Thursday, 22 January 2015
Although the title of this post might convey the idea that I'm intending to pull my claws in (and the absence of recent posts would go far to nurture that idea), This is not actually the case. Your Cat has been delighted and thrilled to hear of the next hare-brained scheme planned by the Northumbrian Tree/Liberationist Administration.
Water is a commodity that is necessary to the well-being of all Northumbrian humans - as well of course as all members of the animal kingdom. Naturally, it has its own merits and demerits; the average fisherman, artisan, soldier or street trader will find little advantage in this elemental fluid if he (or she) wishes to temporarily forget about the cares, woes and worried foisted upon their shoulders by the politicos and other species of vermin. Good foaming ale - or a stout flagon of mead - is far more helpful in conveying one to the banks of the river Lethe. Furthermore, water can be potentially hazardous; it can drown the hapless individual who falls into a lake, and even when gently babbling crystal clear though the brooks of the Kingdom, it can bear toxic and brackish substances that can bring the poor drinker to death's door - or at least, seriously ill.
In view of these potential dangers (and also in a bid to protect the children), some politicos have decided that Something Must Be Done. What is proposed is that all water within the Realm should be packaged in plain wrappers. This may seem absurd, but given the intimate relationship between the politicos and certain members of the Northumbrian business community whose company they perpetually seek and nurture, this is a most creative and ingenious enterprise. The task of the operation is vast, since the storage of it in barrels and butts - not to mention its manifestation in brooks, lakes, streams and wells - is a fearsome undertaking. The task of covering up some glass bottle or jug doesn't compare with the feat of shrouding an entire lake in some bland blanket. But, as you and I will agree, it's worth it for the sake of the younger generation, who could so easily fall foul of its dangers.
And think about the benefit of the businesses who gladly agree to execute such a decision at the Administration's behest. The financial benefits are little short of miraculous. And who will be paying for all of this? Look no further than the pockets of the average Northumbrian artisan, fisherman and street trader...