On The March

In the aftermath of Dagwald Caedmeron's astonishing and unpredicted defeat of the Redistributionist Faction in the Northumbrian Great Count, those of the Redistributionist mentality have been busy, either licking their significant wounds, fighting and arguing amongst themselves about the future (downward) direction of the Faction. This area of conflict has been primarily centred around the election of their next Great Leader and who the future chieftain should be. All of this to-do has been most entertaining for your Cat - especially since the most popular potential leaders selected are those whose intake of hallucinogenic mushrooms is the highest.

Although the fly agaric chewers have been particularly self-absorbed with their manifold problems, the charge can't be levelled at them that they've been idle. Despite the current pre-occupation of their priests with their burning questions, their laity has been busy, creating their own kind of unholy stink throughout the beautiful Northumbrian Kingdom.

Today has been a Great March against the demonic Tree god Austerity, whose devotions have consumed the Tree - and erstwhile Liberationist - Administration for the last few hundred years. Following the years of profligacy, wild borrowing and biscuit of the Redistibutionists under the witty, smiling and charming Guffmund the Brown, the Tree Faction was - and not for the first time - left with a mountain of unpaid bills and unforgiven sins. Upon their election, the Tree Faction solemnly pledged themselves to make reparation for the inherited waste and to placate the god Austerity by sacrificing valuable resources and treasures as offerings. Sadly, Austerity is an avaricious deity, and the donations to its altar was evidently regarded as mere breadcrumbs. The oracle of the god therefore declared that more offerings were required, and in view of this, more stringent sacrifices were planned and executed. However, the sacrifices proposed have never actually been of sufficient seriousness or severity to cost the politicos anything from their own personal treasuries; this honour has been confined as usual to the long-suffering Northumbrian taxpayer.

Surprisingly enough, the marchers against this god and its cult aren't Northumbrian taxpayers; they're a broad affiliation of magic mushroom devotees, diversity coordinators, yogurt weavers, bongo players, pigeon psychologists, professional idlers, layabouts, loblollies, lunatics, soap evaders, members of the Redistributionist Workers' Faction (whose business is not to be gainfully employed). The odour of dog breath, unwashed armpits, posterior sighs, lentils and bean sprouts headily permeates the air around the marchers, and is gently wafted by the breeze in the direction of the innocent bystanders. It's all so very sad.

Naturally, Caedmeron isn't terribly worried about this - although the aroma is causing a significant health risk to the wider populace. At least it's keeping them out of trouble, and giving them some other pointless way of occupying their time...

Bladder Wrack

The entire civilised Dark Ages world is reeling; these are dark and foreboding times, dear readers. The soothsayers have been chirping and bleating about the same matter for ages now, and in reaction to their latest outburst, the entire Northumbrian population is wandering in a state of ashen faced bewilderment, barely comprehending the gravity of the news that has so suddenly imposed itself upon their consciousness.

Schlep the Bladder has resigned. Weep, ye heavens, and be amazed. Blow your nose.

After a reign of thirteen thousand years upon the Holy Roman Empire Football Association - a realm characterised by steadfast righteousness, integrity, honesty, humility, civility and biscuit - Schlep has been deposed by a cabal of power-hungry ruffians, mountebanks and professional bribe collectors after falsely charging him with being an incorruptible good egg.

The entire world is waiting with baited hooks and breath, wondering what is going to happen next.

Your Cat is wondering how this news is going to affect the feline population. I've worried about it for all of fifteen nanoseconds...