Tuesday 6 August 2013

Rock Opera

The Saxon outpost of Rockhaven at the tip of the Iberian peninsula has been at the centre of a lot of hot air these days - and this isn't related to the uncharacteristically warm weather that has enveloped the Northumbrian Kingdom in recent weeks.

Rockhaven was formally adopted by a long-forgotten tribe of Anglo-Saxons as a spin-off from their historic punch-ups with the Iberians. Situated at the tip of the Iberian landmass, it sits a few miles from the North African coast. The reason for this acquisition was said to be so that Saxon sailors could easily defend the Saxon merchant fleet from Barbary pirates, thus protecting the transportation of magic mushroom consignments from the Levant, but this justification is somewhat apocryphal; a more plausible reason for this territorial grab is simply in order to rub the Iberian noses in their consequent indignity. Whatever.

The Iberian satrap - known as Ahoy - has unexpectedly launched an anti-Saxon rhetoric campaign out of resentment concerning their occupation of their ancient port, and has threatened to impose large amounts of taxation from Iberians and Saxons who pass to and fro over the border. Most Northumbrian soothsayers are suggesting that Ahoy - along with the rest of his kingdom deep in debt, poverty, ignominy and biscuit following the Great Deficit of the Ages - has decided that his people need some pleasant respite from their current miseries, and has provided some entertainment for them by way of a distraction. Which is nice.

However, this Cat is an assiduous student of human nature, and has reached his own conclusions. For what it's worth, I would like to share them with you. Often, erratic and extreme forms of human behaviour don't always stem from stated reasons, and they can often be unconscious cries for help. Your Cat has reason to suspect that Ahoy's actions of late have been in this category.

And what's the underlying problem giving rise to all this nonsense? I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has a fishbone lodged in his gullet...


  1. Your feline intuition may well be right - it sounds as if you speak from experience.

    But perhaps he is also somewhat vexed at the myriad low gambling dens that have recently sprung up on the rock to part the gullible - including, perhaps, his own debt-ridden citizens - from their hard-earned pennies.

  2. He has plenty of gambling dens on his own side of the Great Rock. And not a few monkeys, either, I'll wager..

  3. Gambling dens - I'll be up there shortly.

  4. In Flatapore, any local wishing to patronise a casino is relieved of 100 of the local Groats - a levy of similar size to that proposed by Ahoy. Foreigners are exempt, presumably on the grounds that their expected losses will go towards employing a small army of Flataporese as croupiers, bouncers, table bosses and the like. This enlightened territory differs from that of the grandstanding Ahoy in that its debt is rated as AAA, its citizens have one of the highest standards of living, and it enjoys excellent diplomatic relations with its former colonial masters.