Thursday, 18 November 2010

Smelly Brown Stuff Happening

At an awards ceremony last night, Caedmeron - the beloved Leader of the Tree-Liberationist alliance government - is reported to have responded to a question by saying "Sh*t happens."

I can only marvel at the sublime profundity of such a response - and the depth of thought and accumulated wisdom that gave rise to it. I've indeed found this maxim to be true; inevitably I find that it "happens" whenever I visit my kitty tray or a patch in the garden for some colonic relief. I hastily bury the outcome, since it's neither fragrant nor pretty. Caedmon certainly doesn't like it either; my scatological offerings usually prompt some wry word of protestation. I sheepishly slink out of the room, and in a state of exhilaration brought on by the release of my bodily endorphins, I joyously bound around the hovel and finally collapse in an exhausted heap, and take a welcome nap.

Stercus accidit, as the Romans used to say before their language became a liturgical fossil. But who exactly makes it happen? Is it the result of some inevitable natural processes, the outcome of the providential hand of the Almighty, or is it merely chance?

As I ponder over my recent discoveries in the realms of Witangemot, human political life and the sordid labyrinth of intrigues that surround it all, I've come to conclude that - despite the fact that there's always an element of uncertainty in the world - there are those who make it their interest to make it happen for the ignorant and hapless majority.


  1. Remember though that mice, during their nocturnal visits, think nothing of leaving their misdoings behind them and then excusing themselves of any responsibility by claiming “it happens” (with or without the preceding “sh”).

    So maybe we shouldn't be too blasé and fatalistic about the inevitable happening of ordure. As you point out at the end or your post, it's very often the case that it (with or without the preceding “sh”) comes about through the hand of man and mouse.

  2. Indeed, sir. I've reason to think that there are 2 distinct categories of human ordure. The one resulting from natural processes is unsavoury enough; the other, resulting from human action, only occurs as a consequence of a deliberate decision. It stinks to high heaven.