While the Prince Ruprecht Evil-Merodach eavesdropping scandal repeatedly laps the shores of human consciousness like dirty scum in the North Sea tide, Jedweird The Milliner - Revered Leader and Esteemed Prophet of the fly agaric-chewing Redistribution Faction has been busy.
Replete with the buzz from his recent astounding political triumphs (I forget what they were, and it may be that I was dreaming - sorry), Edweird has been anxious to cultivate some support for his Faction, which - owing to the considerable debt and hardship that his worthy psychotic predecessor Guthmund The Brown bequeathed the Northumbrian Kingdom - has fallen on hard times. But during these years of exile from the reins of power, Eddy Boy - like Moses in the Sinai desert - is learning the tender craft of Leading A Nation to The Promised Land. In his case, it's the never-ending process of following mirages. He also has the unflinching support of Beeby See and her pretentious, pustule-punctuated mate Guardy-Ann.
He has a lot to learn. He's a likeable enough fellow in his own way, but nevertheless doesn't inspire the adoration and adulation in his followers that his simian brother Dagwald would have done had the mantle of Leadership been handed to him. Despite all this, Eddy has been exercising his sharply-honed political instinct and wit, forged through years of Redistributionist indoctrination at the feet of his academically gifted father - aided by those necessary hallucinogenic fungi, without which the entire edifice of Redistributionist thought would inevitably collapse.
Eddy Boy has already traded blows with Caedmeron on the floor of the Witangemot, and has imagined some astonishing victories in the cut-and-thrust of political debate. But Caedmeron is by far the wilier and astute of the two, and in reality, he's run rings around his more honest rival.
But no matter. Our redoubtable Eddy has Taken The Initiative and has once more invited questions from the legions of clueless knuckle-draggers and the fanatical window-lickers who hang on his every word. Here is a sample of questions and his answers:
Question: What are you proposing to do about the Financial Deficit?
Answer: This is - of course - a big problem which has been compounded by the Tree-led government, who have savagely subjected the Kingdom to a death by a Thousand Cuts. We propose to do all we can to improve the conditions for the Northumbrian people as pleasant as possible, and we intend to spend unprecedented sums of money to create new jobs. We need new Trade Guild representatives, diversity co-ordinators and fish quota accountants. The Trees only want to hold the population down and drag them into poverty.
Question: Does your Faction take any responsibility for the dire financial mess we're in?
Answer: This is - of course - a big problem which has been compounded by the Tree-led government, who have savagely subjected the Kingdom to a death by a Thousand Cuts. We propose to do all we can to improve the conditions for the Northumbrian people as pleasant as possible, and we intend to spend unprecedented sums of money to create new jobs. We need new Trade Guild representatives, diversity co-ordinators and fish quota accountants. The Trees only want to hold the population down and drag them into poverty.
Question: How's married life?
Answer: This is - of course - a big problem which has been compounded by the Tree-led government, who have savagely subjected the Kingdom to a death by a Thousand Cuts. We propose to do all we can to improve the conditions for the Northumbrian people as pleasant as possible, and we intend to spend unprecedented sums of money to create new jobs. We need new Trade Guild representatives, diversity co-ordinators and fish quota accountants. The Trees only want to hold the population down and drag them into poverty.
Good grief..
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