Wednesday, 28 November 2012
So much is going on here in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria that my poor feline head is in a veritable spin. What doesn't help my present state of disorientation is a recent Important Announcement by Tondvig the Bleurgh - the former Chief Pork Scratching and Virtuous Paradigm of the Redistributionists, and retired Principal Emissary of the Kingdom.
This eminent and well-loved servant of the Northumbrian Realm and High Priestly Representative of the common-and-garden people hasn't been idle since his retirement from the leadership of the Redistributionists seventeen thousand years ago. Eager to exercise his finely-honed skills in mendacity, oratory and sincere guile, he's been travelling over the many waters of the earth, giving lectures to adoring window-lickers, knuckle-draggers, lickspittles and anyone deranged enough to part with several million Holy Groats for the privilege of hearing diatribes of magic-mushroom-fuelled fantasy and folly drip from his amply proportioned chops.
By such enterprise - as well as his tireless industry in greasing the wheels of the weird and wacky world of weapons commerce - Tondvig the Bleurgh has amassed a considerable fortune. As appears to the case with flawed human nature, such wealth has had a degenerative effect upon his own psyche, resulting in pathological ambition, evidenced in the fact he now has designs on the throne of Emperor Jose Borracho - the Dancing Fairy Queen of the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire). Since this overweening ambition mirrors that of the evil one, whose original desire was to de-throne the Almighty, it's quite likely that he'll suffer the same kind of indignity as his infernal exemplar.
To assist his own cause, Tondvig the Bleurgh has urged the Northumbrian Kingdom to remain within the diabolical orbit of the Unholy Empire. Out of unalloyed awe and respect for this beloved paradigm, most of Northumbrians are are dignifying his call with indifference. The Redistributionists are in raptures, of course..