Friday, 26 October 2012
Dunstan the Smithy's Family Planning
While Edweird the Spheres continues to reinvent history in defence of his latest stance on the Kingdom's minuscule recovery, and the decrepit and degenerate old soothsayer Beeby See is embroiled in myriads of scandals concerning her dead and departed priapic friend Ine the So Vile, this Cat has been observing other little sideshows that have been in progress here in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria. Many seemingly insignificant developments in the life of the Northumbrian body politic hatch unobserved while other issues dominate the popular consciousness. That's showbiz, children.
Dunstan the Smithy - the Unemployment and Impoverished Old Age Secretary of the Tree/Liberationist Administration has quietly been beavering away to reform the benefits system of the Realm, and in a whisper has recently announced a proposal to cap the benefits available to unemployed parents with large families. SInce the amount granted has always depended upon the size of the claimant's family, Northumbrian logic has propelled the jobless to copiously propagate their species to enable them to claim even more Holy Groats for the purchase of essentials like mead, ale and Lottery tickets. A sad and tragic consequence of this has been large gangs of feral youths menacingly hanging around street corners, chewing magic mushrooms, getting habitually drunk, joining the Redistributionist Faction and generally making a perfect nuisance of themselves to their local communities. This in turn has stretched the pathetically limited resources of the Costumed Thug Force, which has been obliged to reduce its workforce and wage bill and curtail its crime fighting duties in the interests of Saving Money.
Henceforth, benefits will be payable for up to two children; any progeny in excess of this new threshold will have to earn their keep by various forms of criminality such as theft, robbery and politics..