Wednesday, 22 May 2013

The Tribulations of a Fun Guy

The other day I had the inestimable pleasure of meeting Dagwald Caedmeron - the Holy Macaroni and Beloved Guiding Light of the Tree Faction and the Tree/Liberationist Alliance Administration. I was paying a social call to my feline pal Lareow, who's the Generalisimo Grande of Caddy's Rodent Secretariat, and to my surprise, my friend's employer was also present.

Since he's usually such a busy fellow, I was quite surprised to afford an opportunity to exchange a few pleasantries with him. Beyond the usual phatic communion guff - you know - "Hello", and "How are you?", I was able to discern that he was extremely tired, and since a cat is freely able to look at a king without fear of death or fishpaste, I had no compunction is asking him why he looked so washed out.

He told me that he'd been frantically chewing magic mushrooms and busily receiving hourly orders from the apparatchiks of the Most High Emperor Jose Borracho - the Senior Dung Beetle and Caesar of the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire), and the responsibility was weighing him down. He was working very hard to earn a reputation as the Most Deeply Despised Principal Placemat in Northumbrian history. Moreover, he'd also been attending courses organised by the aforementioned potentate on "How To Ignore and Patronise Your Swivel-Eyed Lunatic People and Implement Unpopular Holy Roman Empire Redistributionist Diktats for Pleasure and Success".

To all intents and purposes, he'd had his work cut out; small wonder he looked so tired. Nevertheless, I reassured him that he was doing a tremendous job, and he deserved to be congratulated for decimating the Tree Faction, as well as alienating and driving its former supporters into the welcome embrace of the Northumbrian Independence Faction, led by the straight-talking and charismatic Nickwald the Forager.

I also told him that he'd soon be able to savour a welcome rest from all of his labours when the bovine Northumbrian electorate make their next Great Decision. I only hope that he can get to a boat in time before the hounds get him..

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