I'm sorry I've not been blogging for a while, but I've been terribly worried about my vulpine friend Feaxede – particularly since the results of the last Great Count, which saw the return to power of an invigorated Tree government under their Great Panjandrum Princess Dagwald Caedmeron, along with a nascent and brutish Caledonian Independence group – much to the chagrin of a reduced Redistributionist representation and a now practically extinct Liberationist Faction.
To be perfectly frank, Feaxede – my fellow creature and co-watcher of the human political sphere in the beautiful Kingdom of Northumbria – never really recovered from the humiliating defeat of the Redistributionists. Even though he'd courted their magic mushroom-driven ideology and agendas to the point of becoming a member, he soon became disenchanted with them and their idiosyncratic ways and beliefs and bade them farewell. Be that as it may, the old hankerings and mental habits have persisted, and my old friend still exhibits some of their pink and fluffy sentimentality. I can't say that I'm altogether too surprised about this – especially in the light of the Redistributionists' ban on the sport of fox hunting some years ago under the grinning dominance of their now fallen arch-demon Tondvig the Blur.
Feaxede's present state of acute anxiety, angst and biscuit has been the proposal by the Tree Faction – now uninhibited by the shackles that preciously bound them to the corpse of the Liberationists – who've declared their intention to reinstate the barbaric practice. The principal rationale stated for this is that these fine creatures are pests, and hunting them on horseback with packs of hungry dogs is an efficient and caring way of keeping their numbers down. With the majority of Northumbrians, this will render the government deeply unpopular, as their natural affection for the ruddy, bush-tailed creatures is undiminished. (The majority of Northumbrians don't keep chickens.)
Even so, I can see the reason for Feaxede's worry and sympathise with him; if the Trees reintroduce fox hunting, how long will it be before they also legitimise cat hunting for pleasure and profit? Or weasel hunting? Or dormouse hunting?
One idea I've had to counter Feaxede's great concerns is to call a General Council of all creatures in the Kingdom and put to them a practical and workable suggestion.
Politicos are the human equivalent of vermin. They serve no useful purpose, and along with their theatrical gesturing, chronic mendacity, lavish expense accounts and their pathologically habitual lawmaking, they're an enormous drain on the resources of the long suffering Northumbrian population.
I think you know what's coming. And I know I'm backing a winner...