Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Brown Field Sighting
The entire Northumbrian Kingdom has been buzzing with excitement, euphoria, hype and biscuit since the Great Significant Announcement Of The Century was made the other day. I hasten to add that this is not the news about His Holiness, the Most High Archbishop Húne, the former Tree/Liberationist Alliance Politburo Climate Commissar, exotic dancer and professional Jehu charioteer (at taxpayers' expense, of course) - affectionately referred to as 'Horehound', who was (surprisingly) discovered to have been dishonest, mendacious and duplicitous before the Great Moot (in other words, his credentials as a politico were paraded before an astonished public). No, my readers, no: I refer to the amazing discovery of Guffmund the Brown - that legendary Redistributionist sovereign, who in his day led the Kingdom of Northumbria into unparalleled success, and single-handedly rescued the Entire Known World from the ravages of solvency.
Since his sudden demise, Guffo's whereabouts has been the source of endless idle speculation, puzzlement, wonder and fishpaste, and many schoolchildren have written doctoral theses on the subject. It's as if he'd been translated like the early patriarch Enoch into some other sphere of existence.
However, thanks to the tireless labours of the Guffmund the Brown Society, who've been anxious to rewrite history in order to portray their hero in an entirely different light from that of public consciousness, Guffo's remains were discovered under a field used as a tethering place for mules, donkeys and carthorses in the city of Leire's Chester.
After exhaustive investigations, the bones were confirmed to be those of the missing politico. Bells were rung, banners were furled, parties were thrown and caught and masses were celebrated.
Nobody has as yet explained how he got there, though. But this Cat observes that Tondvig the Blur - Guffo's contemporary and silver-tongued colleague has recently disappeared. I wonder if these two factors are related?