Wednesday, 27 March 2013

To The Rescue

The entire Northumbrian Kingdom is reeling in shock after the surprise announcement by Dagwald the Milliborg - the politico and sibling of Edweird the Milliner, the Supreme Autocrat and Beloved Guiding Star of the Redistribution Faction. Dagwald and Edweird (if you will recall) were locked in deadly fraternal rivalry for the coveted Redistributionist crown a few millennia ago; however, by force of sheer guile and shortbread, Eddy - following the example of young Jacob with his rival twin Esau - outmanoeuvred his more capable brother and managed to wrest the crown from his grasp. (Rumour has it that this was also achieved by the cunning and unprincipled connivance of a cartel of robber barons and rubber bands, who wished to see a speedy departure from the Faction of the twisted and discredited ancien regime of the mendacious former tribal chief Tondvig the Blur.)

Since that fateful power struggle, the hapless but capable Dagwald was thrust out of the political nest, and was thus obliged to pass his time on the back benches of the Witangemot, waving exotic bent yellow fruit in a simian fashion and muttering monosyllabic grunts. It's all so terribly sad. This Cat has been as close to tears as any feline can be.

Nevertheless, although Dagwald the Milliborg was bloodied by his experience, he was ultimately unbowed. Deciding that a career in waiting for the moment for his kinsman to irrevocably disgrace himself with some hoped-for political gaffe was neither a profitable nor an interesting way of spending his remaining years in this vale of tears, Dagwald cast his eyes to the far horizons. And behold - a new opportunity dawned! Hooray for the churnings of providence!

So now the Northumbrian Kingdom is in a state of mourning at the departure of one of it's finest sons from the cut and thrust of the Witangemot benches. Eddy - in noble fashion - has called for a Day of Fasting for all the Redistributionists throughout the Realm, and Beeby See - along with her soothsaying crone friends Guardy-Ann and the Windy Pedant - has been ordered to propel the entire population into hysterical misery. Which is nice.

Dagwald the Milliborg is going to embark upon a longship and set sail for the distant and as yet undiscovered shores of Ultima Thule, where he will assume the throne Kingdom of Camelot; there he will preside over a round table, decorated by earls, knights and dogsbodies. From that throne he will administer justice, righteousness and equity, and will valiantly right the many wrongs that have developed in the world. He will ride at the head of armies of knights, rescuing hapless people from the disasters which befall them.

However, this Cat can't help seeing a similarity between this Great Opportunity and the one which Jonah the prophet found when a boat just happened to be available for a journey to the distant Western port of Tarshish. Told by the Almighty to go east, Jonah went west, and nearly ended up in the bowels of a big fish.

Perhaps Dagwald should have rather spent his energies in riding to the rescue of the hapless Cypriots, who are presently at the mercy of the robbers and moneylenders from the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an Empire).

1 comment:

  1. Interesting how he went away from the EU gravy train. Could there be bad feeling?