Thursday, 11 April 2013

Dancing On Ice

Since the recent demise of Hilda the Roofer - the former Tree Administration Leader - a lot of excitement has boiled to the surface in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria. In part this has been fuelled by the soothsayers, who never fail to deliver cartloads of bombast, rhetoric, garbage and cabbage.

Hilda the Roofer was a formidable Principal Minister during her thousand-year tenure at the helm of the good ship Northumbria; such was the measure of her achievements that she won admiration and adulation from fifty percent of the Realm. This was mainly attributable to her resolve to adhere doggedly to whatever policy decision she made - a rare quality in politicos, who are normally given to swimming with whatever the prevailing tide may be. Her decision to allow serfs to purchase their own strips of land from their local municipalities also endeared her to tenants, who quickly profited from the reselling of their vegetable plots; this ushered in a new Age of Plenty for the common or garden Northumbrian. Her decisive victory in the war against the bellicose Patagonians who had forcibly occupied the Farne Islands also won her admiration and respect from many.

However, the other fifty percent of the Northumbrian population were far from enchanted by Hilda's tenure of office. Her victory against the striking lead miners (led by their tribal chief, the charismatic rabble-rouser Arthur the Scarface), which resulted in the ultimate closure of their mine workings, attracted a great deal of hatred from those communities, and her refusal to make deals with their leaders earned her bile, opprobrium and biscuit from the Redistributionists, who henceforth regarded her as the Sum Of All Evil.

Since the announcement of her departure from this vale of tears, sycophantic tributes have poured in from all quarters - most of which owe more to selective - or false - memory syndrome than hard realities.

As a mark of their own expression of grief at her departure, the Redistributionist Workers' Faction have organised carefully choreographed synchronised events throughout the Kingdom. This has consisted of dancing, marching in goose step and singing cheerful Redistributionist ditties to the cooking of beansprouts, the beating of countless bongoes, the barking of dogs and the chewing of countless magic mushrooms. This Cat has reason to believe that this has in large part been inspired by the warmongering King Yung'Un, the Beloved Leader of the Northern Kingdom of Goryo, who commands a great deal of love and devoted affection, which is tenderly extracted from his subjects at the point of a spear.

Nevertheless, most of the Redistributionists who are dancing and rejoicing at the demise of their perceived foe don't actually know anything about Hilda the Roofer, since they weren't even born when she ruled over Northumbria. Nevertheless, their celebrations are informed by their Sacred Volume, The Redistributionist's Book Of Erudition and Wisdom, which consists of two empty pages; they read between the lines.

Meanwhile, the remaining fifty percent look upon them with a mixture of disgust and loathing, since their way of expressing public grief over Hilda's passing appears to convey ignorance and spite in equal measures. They certainly know how to make friends...


  1. Superb - best post I've read on the subject so far!

  2. Thanks! It was written rather hurriedly..

  3. the Redistributionist Workers' Faction

    Like it [chuckles].