Monday 7 April 2014
Plain and Simple
As I was musing over the parlous state of human political affairs in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria, I was visited by an extraneous thought which in consequence has propelled me into a zealous campaign mode. Beware of a Cat on a mission!
During one of my mouse-chewing reveries, it occurred to me that all of the three principal political factions in the Kingdom have the greatest majority of characteristics in common.
For a start, they're all equally committed to plundering the long-suffering Northumbrian yeoman, tradesman, craftsman and artisan for every Holy Groat that they can extract - at the pain of death, dungeon or dog biscuit. They're also single-mindedly devoted to the appropriation of such funds for their own aggrandisement, as well as to bolster their own scanty fortunes. Moreover, it's abundantly evident that they share a healthy contempt for the poor unfortunates whom they pretend to represent in the chamber of the Witangemot talking parlour where their pontificating and posturing can be witnessed. Furthermore, they all - to the last one - favour the uninhibited growth of the Northumbrian State so that it ultimately dictates the last minutiae of the average common-or-garden Northumbrian's brief span of years in this vale of tears.
With all of this considered - and bearing in mind that each of the main factions has its own distinctive name, tradition and colour (the Trees are symbolised in blue, although their symbol is a green arboreal device; the Redistributionists use red to symbolise the danger they represent, and the Liberationists are a sickly yellow to depict their gritty and courageous moral fibre) - it occurred to me that they're all essentially identical. Perhaps the Trees may claim to (allegedly) save the hard-earned tax revenues while the Redistributionists purportedly spend it like water, but, all of these cosmetic differences aside, they could all be repackaged as one solitary State faction. It all makes it so much easier for the wealthy Northumbrian establishment to manipulate and manage.
So your Cat is campaigning for Plain Packaging for the main factions. This will then discourage the children of the Realm from becoming enmeshed with sordid and soul-destroying political habits. Their tender minds must not be depraved any longer with ideas of making the Kingdom a better place in the name of whichever colour they decide to fly.
This Cat is proposing a uniform brown colour for all of them - the shade should match the colonic outpourings of a dog's diarrhoea. That'll put the little blighters off...