Whiting Writing Wrong

Sometimes - in my weaker moments - I wonder whether the wheels of human imbecility will ever stop turning; from time to time I have to be reminded by Caedmon or one of the monks at the Streonaeshalch Abbey that the effects of the Fall - including death, disease, decay, decadence, hubris, fleas, flatulence, flies, fevers and monumental stupidity - will one day cease on the Day when the Almighty regenerates all things. As far as I'm concerned, as a cat, that day can't come soon enough. It's not our jolly fault that Adam trespassed the Divine Injunction and consequently opened the Pandora's Box of evil and imbecility upon the world. We critters just have to put up with it - and that's what we do.

But - until such a time, I have to hear things like this piece of news I came by today: an atheist philosopher called Hazy Dizzy Whiting has decided to write an atheist's Bible. Just in case you've missed this in your speed-reading haste, sit down slowly and take this in. I repeat - an atheist has decided to write an atheist's Bible. Take a swig of something strong, people - you read it correctly.

My human master Caedmon refers to atheists as irrational theologians, and I'm inclined to agree with him; they vehemently deny that the Almighty exists. In fact, they're so obsessed with this damn-fool idea that they simply aren't content to let the matter rest there; they're also intent on foisting their religion on those who don't happen to share their wild-eyed enthusiasm for a philosophy of pointless absurdity and hopelessness. That's certainly irrational. Now, I may be a dumb animal, but it occurs to me that if atheism were self-evident, they wouldn't need to continually attempt to prove it to a skeptical majority. Sooner or later, the reasonableness of it would be obvious to to all, and its godless premise would bed itself down in human consciousness. But it doesn't. And it won't, because it can't. Before we even begin to consider atheism, there's already a 'Theos' to prefix the letter 'A' with. What are the first four words of Sacred Writ? In the beginning, God. Bereshith Elohim. In principia Deus. En arche epoiesen ho Theos.

And for goodness' sake - why has Hazy Dizzy Whiting found it necessary to write an alternative Bible? What's all that about? Is he extracting the smelly yellow waste? Is it really necessary to ape Jannes and Jambres in Pharaoh's court and do a monkey's imitation of the real thing? Does the whiff of sulphur reach my nostrils?

And what does this piece of fantasy fiction have to say? For a distillation of its metaphysical content, do we read:

In the Beginning, Hazy Dizzy Whiting Redefined the Mysteries Of Life..
Eat, Drink and Be Merry - for Tomorrow You Die.
If You're Near the End of the Road, Tough Luck, Pal.
Prepare For Nothing: Life is a Sick Joke...?

What are his ethical teachings? Are they such as:

Be a Good Boy.
Share the Magic Mushrooms - don't keep them all for Yourself.
Be Nice to Animals and Other People?
Don't Pull Wings Off Butterflies...?

I hope he's written some nice stories to replace the accounts of Israel and the Early Church. Can you imagine it being read at the bedside of a dying man or woman? Or being used to comfort a bereaved person? Hmmm..

It sounds to me like a celebration of window-licking barminess. I predict that it will become a best seller, make Hazy Dizzy Whiting a few groats, and it will collect dust on bookshelves, unloved, forgotten and unread. I don't think Caedmon will buy it. Unless it sells cheaper than firewood...

Caedmon and the Atheist

Since there's a regular number of travellers to the area who lodge with Caedmon, we're privileged to see all kinds of wayfarers. Some of them come from the south of the country and have distinct Saxon accents. One such traveller passed our way the other day; he was a man in his late fifties, and from his appearance and his manner, even I - a mere cat - could tell that he was a friendly, prosperous and well-educated fellow. His name was Eormenwulf, and he certainly was talkative. Caedmon is also a keen conversationalist, so a variety of topics came and went in the stream of dialogue. Inevitably, the subject of religion arose. Now, that's hardly surprising, since we're in a land which was Christianised by the Romans when they ruled here, the Irish monks like Columba - and also by Saint Augustine, the first Archbishop of Canterbury. Although vestiges of the old pagan ways remain in the Anglo-Saxon culture, by and large there's a general acceptance that there is one God, and that His Son Jesus Christ came into the world, was put to death by human beings, rose from the dead 3 days later, and then some weeks afterwards was taken up into Heaven. What took us by surprise was the vehemence with which Eormenwulf scoffed at the Christian faith. Even I pricked up my ears from my fireside dozing when he began to speak this way. I'm glad that the Abbess Hilda hadn't heard him - she would have forgotten her Christian charity..!

So, what was his argument? If I remember correctly, he put forward the idea that religion was the reason for the trouble with the world. People are rational, and by using their faculties of reasoning they can easily deduce that there's no God, and that there's no need for religion - it's just an emotional prop for men and women to support themselves with; they should stand on their own two feet. I was horrified - and Caedmon certainly hadn't been expecting the tirade of anti-Christian argument that proceeded to pour from Eormenwulf's lips.

Nevertheless, despite Caedmon's simple upbringing, he's a very thoughtful man, and he was able to ask the atheist the following questions:

If you believe that there is no God to have faith in, why should you then believe in reason? Haven't you simply swapped one God for another?

If reason is supreme, who then defines it? One man's reckoning is not the same as the next one's, no one has a claim to supremacy, so everything's on the table, but nothing can be agreed.

Since God is (and sets) the standard of moral behaviour because He is holy, what standard of right and wrong can an atheist live by? Eormenwulf can't expect anyone else to be trustworthy if it's no longer a moral imperative..

There were other points that Caedmon raised, but I've forgotten them; it was an intense conversation. Not surprisingly, Eormenwulf's answers didn't actually meet the questions, so the resulting conversation became circular and futile. I fell asleep.

When Eormenwulf left us the next morning to continue his journey, I noticed the following slogan embroidered in fancy script on his horse's blanket. It read: 'There probably is no God, so get on with your life'. Caedmon commented to me what a strange man he was - and what outlandish ideas he had. I suggested to Caedmon that Eormenwulf was actually a theist: he just wasn't an honest one...