Friday 18 March 2011

All's Fair In Love And War..

Despite the fact that I'm a cat - a member of the animal kingdom - I'm nevertheless intimately familiar with the language, social habits and values of humankind. This is attributable to the fact that I've spent the greatest part of my life in the company of humans - and Caedmon in particular. I owe to him a great deal of my understanding of what makes people tick, and I've consequently acquired the ability to observe people and form my own conclusions.

Anglo-Saxons are - for the most part - a noble breed, with a highly developed sense of justice and fair play, and unlike their more excitable continental counterparts, they possess a disposition which is markedly reserved and undemonstrative; they're also masters of understatement, which is usually accompanied with a subtle hue of underlying sarcasm. Less reflective foreigners perceive Anglos to be placid and taciturn, but this isn't generally the case. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule; every settlement has its resident hothead or blabbermouth.

All this considered, I've found it not a little surprising that Cyrstréow of Blodfag, the wife of previous Witangemot leader Tondbert of Blodfag has recently publicly divulged quite intimate details about her relationship with husband. As a result, the soothsayers have been twittering endlessly like awakening birds in the Dawn Chorus. One consequence of this is that Caedmeron - Supreme Allied Commander-In-Chief and Head Cock and Bluebottle Washer of the Tree/Liberationist Alliance Administration - has suddenly decided to singlehandedly declare war of the land of Cyrene and its demented, psychopathic, khat-chewing despot O'Daffy. Perhaps he wants to inspire admiration in his missus too: stranger reasons have underlined military and political decisions…

Following the Mesopotamian and Bactrian military fiascos which deprived countless people of their lives, Tondbert of Blodfag deservedly earned for himself (and his fly agaric-led Redistributionist Faction) a reputation for bloodlust, rapacity, duplicity and treachery - all achieved through a silken tongue and a stage presence worthy of an accomplished actor. To give him credit, Caedmeron hasn't resorted to subterfuge to justify battling with O'Daffy and his psychotic cut-throats; the Anglo-Saxon sense of fair play appears to be the principal motive. The revenue from Cyrenian olive oil, silks and spices may incidentally have some bearing on it - but nobody ever mentions that. On the other hand, this could simply be the implementation of a devious plan by the power-crazed megalomaniac King Jose Borracho and his half-witted henchman Hermit to bring yet another country under the yoke of the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire)..

For my part, I don't give a monkey's about the Blodfag marriage or - how it works; it appears to me that they're displaying the prurient mentality of the vile soothsayers - and the imbeciles who lap up their scatological offerings..

I'm sure they have earned a great deal of awe and respect from the window-lickers. They've earned none of mine.


  1. they possess a disposition which is markedly reserved and undemonstrative; they're also masters of understatement, which is usually accompanied with a subtle hue of underlying sarcasm

    I've been teaching some understatement to my senorita and it's an uphill battle. "I'm a bit annoyed" for "I'm really angry" is a case in point or the opposite hyperbole - "I'm just ecstatic" for "it doesn't do much for me".

    We don't realize sometimes how much we use it until a foreigner looks at our posts and gets lost.

  2. For sure, nobody can ever accuse this kitty of sarcasm or Anglo-Saxon irony: far be it from me..