Monday 7 March 2011

Rinsing The Prince

Things seem to be abnormally quiet in the weird and wacky world of Witangemot politics in the lovely country of Northumbria. In fact, it's all too quiet; it causes me to wonder what other unfruitful works of darkness our political masters are up to while our attention is directed elsewhere.

That isn't to say that all is quiet in the land; the soothsayers - especially Beeby See and her fellow fantasists - have been ceaselessly pontificating and gossiping bout the Cyrenian civil war between the criminally insane Redistributionist O'Daffy and his murderous sycophants on the one hand and freedom-hungry but ill-equipped Cyrenian goat herders and market traders on the other.

Another interlude amid this unfolding tragedy is the fact that Caedmeron gave a speech to his adoring followers yesterday. Whoop-de-do. I wonder what they were thinking about while he was dishing out the rhetoric and the ninety-third rate oratory? If I were a betting cat, I'd put my groats on absolutely nothing. Political enthusiasts and faction members of all opinions have a glazed expression on their faces while engaged with their favourite subject; this suggests to me that their faculties for thought have been somehow disengaged, and the smile, clap and cheer reflex has automatically kicked into operation to replace it. But I digress.

The most interesting and revealing sideshow to the Cyrenian narrative is the unfolding scandal of yet another unhealthy relationship involving O'Daffy - this time between Andweard - prince of the Northumbrian Realm, middle-for-diddle son of King Alhfrith and the foul-mouthed Queen Hillida. His Royal Highness Prince Andweard - heavily involved in high-flying Anglo-Saxon trade deals around the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire) has a reputation for gracing lavish parties and ladies with his dashing and wealthy presence, and he is content to spread his particular brand of happiness wherever he travels. Sadly, he's not very fussy about the company he keeps, and he has been known to frequently visit O'Daffy to provide him with bribes and assorted kickbacks in exchange for lucrative trade deals for Anglo-Saxon trash. But that isn't all: Andweard has also been associated socially with a fabulously wealthy gentleman from Ultima Thule. This gentleman - despite his considerable fortune - has an unhealthy predisposition for pulling wings off butterflies. He is not a nice person, and were he to be dropped into the Streonaeshalch marketplace on a busy day, he would certainly be torn asunder by angry but decent Northumbrians who - despite their bovinity, hate all forms of nastiness and purveyors thereof.

Needless to say,
Caedmeron has publicly stated that Prince Andweard has his undying support. If ever there was a kiss of death, then surely a politician's support must be it...

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