Tuesday 22 November 2011

In-tents Speculation

In view of the Great Credit Crisis that continues to cripple the Kingdoms of Northumbria, Mercia, Wessex and those of the Angles and Jutes - as well as the entire civilised world - Dagwald Caedmeron - the dynamic go-getter Leader and Chief Cock and Bluebottle Washer of the Tree/Liberationist Alliance administration has made a Momentous Decision.

This glorious resolution is the consequence of a severe shortage of house purchases, since Young People simply don't have the requisite amount of holy groats to afford the deposit for a home. For this reason our settlements are besieged by legions of A-frame daub-and-wattle dwellings, lying empty like rows of discarded carcasses - allowing of course for the occasional stray weasel or cat, seeking shelter from the ravages of the Northumbrian autumn weather.

Since the Young People - fresh-faced and full of naive enthusiasm and hallucinogenic mushrooms - have been unable to purchase their own nests (to the irritation and detriment of their long suffering parents and their pantries), many of them have resorted to purchasing tents and congregating round the Yorvik financial district and the Minster, which they grace with their bongos and beansprouts, uncontrolled dogs and their respective colorectal offerings, along with vague protests about Evil Merchants, soap and Moneylenders. It's all so very sad.

This has only provided a partial - and less than perfect - answer to the Great Housing Catastrophe, since tents lack the robustness of the more groat-hungry housing. Furthermore, once the coating of goose grease has worn away, the tents unfortunately allow the rain to run through, streaming down the interior in small rivers. For all that, the tentmakers have been doing a roaring trade, and it's been interesting to watch them hard at work, stitching away at the seams. Many poles are used in the manufacturing process; I struck up a conversation with one whose name was Grzegorz. I didn't understand a single word he said.

But now, a New Dawn of Blessed Hope has appeared. Hooray for Caddy boy and his astonishing ingenuity! I'm so pleased. My fox friend Feaxede shared a chicken carcass with me by way of celebration. Happy times.

Dagwald Caedmeron has announced that the Tree/Liberationist Administration is intending to subsidise the housing market to allow the young nest-featherers to pay an affordable deposit on their hovels. Out of the limitless resources of the Public Purse, of course. His gamble is that an increase in hovel sales will stimulate the wider economy and consequently, a greater tide of (non-existent) groats will swill around the Kingdom, blessing everyone it touches. Nice try, Caddy boy.

Cheap and quick loans at taxpayers' expense, and even more debt and bankruptcy for the Northumbrian Kingdom. Sounds like a great idea. Guffmund the Brown would be most impressed; it sounds suspiciously like one of his ideas..

1 comment:

  1. Loved the comment about the poles used in manufacture.

    The boy's idea is quite clearly idiotic. More opportunities to create even more irresponsible borrowers who will, in due course, of course, default.