Transport of Delight

This new development in the continuously unfolding drama of Northumbrian politics concerns Edweird the Milliner – the Featherweight Champion of the Redistributionist Faction and Dearly Venerated Leader of His Majesty King Alhfrith's Loyal Opposition (whose principal calling in this vale of tears is to intelligently but mindlessly gainsay everything that the Tree/Liberationist Administration says or proposes for the sheer joy of it).

 

When the previous Redistributionist incumbents – the smooth-tongued and mendacious Tondvig the Blur and his cheery psychopathic successor, the stand-up comic Guffmund the Brown – ruled the roost of the Witangemot for seventeen thousand years, they thought it a Good Idea to allow several gazillion unskilled and unlettered exotic people of bizarre customs, religions and dietary habits into the Kingdom of Northumbria. The idea was quite simple: the incoming hordes would pitch their tents and their altars in this green and pleasant (but oh, so wet) land, be allocated hovels to dwell in –along with an allowance of Holy Groats to keep them in food, mead and goats' cheese. Out of sheer gratitude to the Redistributionists for allowing them to live comfortably without the inconvenience of toil, the newly arrived settlers – duly enfranchised by their sponsors and mentors - would unquestioningly vote for the administration which allowed them a dwelling in the Land of Promise, thus allowing a New Millennium of Fluffy Diversity, Equality and other assorted ideologically colorectal droppings.

 

In view of the fact that no one in the present Administration is able to give an accurate figure as to how many of these exotic folk now reside within the Northumbrian Kingdom, coupled with the unfortunate Great Groat Crisis that engulfs and encumbers the entire civilized world, the realisation has slowly dawned across the crepuscular consciousness of the politicos that the burden of supporting these myriads of houseguests is Unsustainable. Naturally, all of the fingers point to the Redistributionists, whose fiendishly cunning plan didn't appear to be quite so clever after all.

 

Since Edweird the Milliner himself bears no personal responsibility for the follies of his predecessors, he's seen fit to admit that they had made a Mistake. So he's going to do something about it.

 

He's proposing to transport all indigenous Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Britons and Danes of the Northumbrian Realm to Fairyland and the as yet undiscovered country of Ultima Thule.

 

Good luck with that one, Eddy Boy..