Wednesday 16 February 2011

Spy In The Caedmeron Camp

I've been eagerly awaiting intelligence updates from Láréow - the cat pal of mine who is engaged in a Mission of National Importance in the beating heart of Northumbrian governance. As my post yesterday intimated, Láréow has been appointed to sort out the rats which have been infesting the higher echelons of power. I haven't heard anything yet, but I'm quietly optimistic.

Now, let me lay my cards on the table. I don't think for one moment that Láréow will be equal to the task. By saying this, I don't wish to demean him; as I already stated, he's a friend and he's one mean kitty as far as the mice are concerned. To catch mice is one thing however, but to destroy rats is quite another. In my wide experience as a hunter and predator, I can count on one tail the number of rats I've actually caught and killed. It was as I recall an asthmatic runt - and I felt no great flush of pride at my achievement; the poor thing ran out of breath and gave up.

Despite their bad press from the human world, rats are charming and intelligent creatures, and those inhabiting the cesspits of the Witangemot are veritable brutes. They feast on the finest scraps and occupy themselves with their physical exercises. Láréow has his work cut out - that's for sure.

Despite my pessimism as regards his ability to do the business, I still have high hopes for him, though. Even if he never catches a single rat during the Tree/Liberationist term of office, he'll have carved for himself a nice little niche in the corridors of power. Let me explain: should Caedmeron decide Láréow's simply not performing to the required standard, he won't part him his exalted status. Why? - because his plastic wife and children will be so attached to him that the prospect of his removal will cause even more domestic disharmony than he already has. It simply won't be an option. Besides which, I know for a fact that he's a cat of the old school - I've seen his charm offensives and hear him exercising his chat-up lines with the females of the species. With these qualities in his favour, he'll be a valuable asset as a vital source of information regarding the dirty business of illusionist politics.

As for the problem with rats - quite honestly, I couldn't give a monkey's about Caedmeron's problems. There are meaner, viler and nastier creatures stalking the corridors and pulling the levers of power, and they don't get a moggy appointed to sort them out.. Although I know one mean moggy who would eat them for breakfast.. Nuff said.

Oh, by the way - I hear that Láréow was subjected to the indignity of the 'chop' before moving in to his new residence - and that he subsequently took a chunk out of the leg of a soothsayer's lackey. That's my boy! If anyone did that to me, I'd be in a foul mood as well. And anybody that does damage to the legs of a soothsayer's lackey gets my vote.. Láréow for Faction Leader! I can see the headlines already. I'm so excited! Bring it on, children.

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