Friday 28 June 2013

Amnesty (International)

It's said that while the Cat's away, the mice they play. By all accounts, this saying has been confirmed by recent events. While your Cat has been getting on with the momentous issues of cat life (you know - staking and patrolling my territory, fending off intruders and pretenders to my throne, stalking rodents and birds, not to mention running impressive charm offensives with the fish merchants on Streonaeshalh quayside to earn some tasty morsels), it appears that some Tree politico has put his head above the parapet. Noddy the Zadger is a token Viking member of the Tree Faction, who – on account of his Nordic ethnicity and his devotion to Thor, Asgard and the Eddas – has earned favour with Dagwald Caedmeron – the Senior Sister of the Holy Order of St. Platitude and Judas Iscariot. Since the Tree Faction are pathologically determined to redefine their ideology and core support from traditional reactionaries to hip, cool and trendy Redistributionists, this elevation in status to Highly Favoured One has been consistent with their ill-intentioned strategy.


Consequently, Noddy the Zadger has been allowed to speak. Behind his guttural Nordic tones, the message has sounded forth that the Tree Administration (in partnership with the near-extinct Liberationist Faction who ostensibly support them in the seat of authority) should grant an amnesty to all those exotic individuals who have remained upon this sacred Northumbrian soil and outstayed their welcome. This would then encourage them to support the greatly hated Trees who have offered such succour.


Since the Kingdom of Northumbria is fast becoming a foreign country populated by people of strange customs, speech, diets and religious habits, it's becoming increasingly difficult for this Cat to understand the human world, as the aboriginal Northumbrians are becoming as rare as the Liberationists.


This Cat would like to respectfully suggest an alternative strategy for Caddy Boy and his trendy and progressive cronies: why not simply deport all the indigenous population? A few ships over the North Sea back to Jutland and Saxony should do it..


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