Tuesday, 26 April 2011

What Bugs Mister Lugs?

It's been a relatively quiet Easter; the politicos have been ensconced in their own constituencies, so the babble of the political turkey farm has been relatively quiet. It's given me a pleasant break - and provided my master Cademon with an opportunity to redirect his own eloquent writing skills. I'm very pleased with his efforts: I've taught him everything he knows ;-)

Of course, the soothsayers haven't been as quiet. Like disembodied spirits lacking a place of peaceful repose, they've been flitting to and fro, wringing their hands and relentlessly jabbering away about the Cyrenian and Syrian internal conflicts (which are infernal, and far from internal, since the Holy Roman Empire - which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire - has been assiduously meddling). Naturally, the soothsayers have also been doing what they do best - waxing eloquently about all inconsequential things that bedazzle the Northumbrian public - like the forthcoming wedding of Price Walthelm and Lady Gytha. It gives them something to do. Bless.

One of Beeby See's favourite lackeys has been in the news himself today. I'm not permitted to mention him by name, since he's paid a lot of money for the Supreme Moot to place an order forbidding others to mention it. If I were to do so, I would be fast-tracked into membership of the august Dead Cats Society - and I'm in no great hurry to join the throng yet. But I can say that he is blessed with rather pronounced lugs, and it appears that he is a big buddy of the last 15.5 Redistributionist Faction leaders. Mr Lugs (for that is what I will call him) was engaging in behaviour which - to say the least - called his marriage commitment into question. So - to preserve his good name - he's hidden behind a Moot Order.

But there are a couple of things which don't stack up in my feline head.

First of all, how can you preserve a good name which you haven't got any longer? Hiding behind an expensive Moot Order doesn't undo facts about unpalatable behaviour; facts are facts are facts - and they can't be changed. It just proves that we have the best judicial system that money can buy - and it also demonstrates that a fool and his groats are soon parted. And however carefully they're suppressed, eventually truths come seeping out.

Another non sequitur is this: if Mr Lugs was so concerned to keep his name out of the grasp of the soothsayers, why did he sell his story to the soothsayer Dellimell, who is now at liberty to parade the sordid story to the universe and his dog? Did she offer him a more goodly sum of groats than the others? Did he take out the Moot Order so that he could sell his worthless tales to the highest bidder?

I asked Caedmon to explain this to me. He said he'd give it some thought. I'm still waiting for the answer - but I'm not expecting one.


  1. But I can say that he is blessed with rather pronounced lugs, and it appears that he is a big buddy of the last 15.5 Redistributionist Faction leaders.

    Now I wonder who that could be?

  2. Mr James -

    I'm not at liberty to divulge names and details - it's more than my nine lives are worth. Such detail is a closed book - unlike his auditory apparatus, which resemble open doors..