Tuesday 6 March 2012

Adam, Eric and Caddy's Creation Mandate

Quem deus vult perdere, dementat prius (Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad)

The imbecilic resourcefulness of politicos in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria never ceases to entertain and surprise this Cat. Just when I thought these boys had reached the pinnacle of insanity, they turn up yet a new trump card. My mousing skills have suffered immeasurably since I heard this through the soothsayers.

Dagwald Caedmeron – the Chief Cock and Bluebottle Washer of the Tree Faction and Principal Panjandram of the Tree/Liberationist Alliance Administration – along with his other Redistributionist chums, have decided between themselves that Holy Writ's account of the Creation ordinances are simply not good enough; they certainly don't sit too easily with the new hip, cool and trendy way of doing things in these modern times. Bless.

Consequently, Caedmeron and his little friends have decided that since this is indeed the case, the most logical solution is to redefine the biblical narrative. Instead of the account of the creation of Adam and Eve as the primeval human couple and paradigm for the institution of marriage, Eve has been thoughtfully and joyfully discarded in favour of yet another man called Eric, thus allowing for the principle of same-sex marriages for that insignificant proportion of Anglo-Saxons who are so inclined. Conveniently, this also provides Caddy with the excuse to pronounce the marriage of a man and a woman as unnatural, abominable and illegal. Sounds like a plan, Caddy Boy. Pass the magic mushrooms and the bongos. Please.

For sheer inventiveness, this Cat gives Caddy Boy full marks; if you can't confront and solve a problem head on, the line of least resistance is to redefine it. By such means, every defeat may be represented as a stunning victory. Hooray for political resourcefulness, rhubarb and nonsense!

But after the initial enthusiasm for such an innovative redefinition of moral, spiritual and social life, I've started to let my feline mind chew the issues over. Repeatedly. Surprisingly enough, some questions have popped up out of my synaptical processing, and like flies round an alehouse latrine, they simply won't go away.

For a start, why is it that something that has been accepted as a normative principle for all people for millennia is suddenly ...err.. wrong? Does this mean that past generations of Anglo-Saxons, Vikings, Romans, Latins, Greeks and so on have been in direst error, darkness and business? If that is so, then why is Now so different? Has some special beam of divine light illuminated Caddy and his Redistributionist pals that has bypassed everyone else? I know for a fact that most people are bewildered, and the bishops of the Holy Church have been on the warpath. The Abbess Hilda has been apoplectic, and the monks at the Abbey are keeping a safe and respectful distance...

Do Caddy Boy and his playmates think that the Almighty hasn't done a good enough job? Is that why they've decided to tinker with the Creation Ordinances? Do they imagine that they can do better and redefine such things without any consequences? Haven't they read the warnings towards the end of the Apocalypse of St John concerning those who would see fit to add to the divine revelation?

With these questions doing regular circuits round my head, I approached my master Caedmon and told him what was bothering me. He was characteristically unfazed at what I told him. He then reminded me of the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar, who – after a fit of pathologically hubristic self-congratulation at his astonishing accomplishments – was ultimately reduced by the Almighty to eating grass with the cattle and singing bovine shanties with them in the fields until he repented and gave the Almighty the credit for all that he had. It all sounds deja moo to me..

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