Tuesday 6 August 2013
The Saxon outpost of Rockhaven at the tip of the Iberian peninsula has been at the centre of a lot of hot air these days - and this isn't related to the uncharacteristically warm weather that has enveloped the Northumbrian Kingdom in recent weeks.
Rockhaven was formally adopted by a long-forgotten tribe of Anglo-Saxons as a spin-off from their historic punch-ups with the Iberians. Situated at the tip of the Iberian landmass, it sits a few miles from the North African coast. The reason for this acquisition was said to be so that Saxon sailors could easily defend the Saxon merchant fleet from Barbary pirates, thus protecting the transportation of magic mushroom consignments from the Levant, but this justification is somewhat apocryphal; a more plausible reason for this territorial grab is simply in order to rub the Iberian noses in their consequent indignity. Whatever.
The Iberian satrap - known as Ahoy - has unexpectedly launched an anti-Saxon rhetoric campaign out of resentment concerning their occupation of their ancient port, and has threatened to impose large amounts of taxation from Iberians and Saxons who pass to and fro over the border. Most Northumbrian soothsayers are suggesting that Ahoy - along with the rest of his kingdom deep in debt, poverty, ignominy and biscuit following the Great Deficit of the Ages - has decided that his people need some pleasant respite from their current miseries, and has provided some entertainment for them by way of a distraction. Which is nice.
However, this Cat is an assiduous student of human nature, and has reached his own conclusions. For what it's worth, I would like to share them with you. Often, erratic and extreme forms of human behaviour don't always stem from stated reasons, and they can often be unconscious cries for help. Your Cat has reason to suspect that Ahoy's actions of late have been in this category.
And what's the underlying problem giving rise to all this nonsense? I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has a fishbone lodged in his gullet...