Thursday, 5 July 2012

A Done Deal

Dearie me! There's a right furore going on here in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria, and everyone is agitated; the conversations of the citizens of the beautiful settlement of Streonaeshalch are dominated by the One Great Burning Issue.

Some time ago, the Witangemot - headed by Dagwald Caedmeron, the Mother Superior and Chicken Supreme of the Tree/Liberationist Administration - announced to the watching world through the faithful offices of the soothsayers that they'd unveiled a Great Plan which would stimulate the ailing economy, which - owing to the onward roll of the Great Credit Catastrophe - has left our Kingdom in penury, poverty, bankruptcy, debt and dogbiscuit. The result of this Wondrous Initiative would be a meaner, leaner, keener, cleaner, greener environment and Lots of Jobs for the people of the district. Hooray for those little drops of hope! Of course, for a Cat like myself, I couldn't give a rat's receipt.

In a nutshell, the Significant Decision involves the building of myriads of new hovels, thus allowing the homeless legions of feckless exiles from the exotic dominion of Chavvostan. The local builders and joiners will do a roaring trade. On the surface, this sounds wonderful, but the Great Northumbrian Unwashed are most unhappy about the idea - especially when they're going to have to live cheek-by-jowl with people whose personal hygiene and social behaviour, diet and customs are quite different from the expected Northumbrian norm. The prospect of midnight rubbish burnings, burglary parties, flatulence concerts, arson workshops and spitting competitions does little to ingratiate the average Northumbrian to the idea. Furthermore, it's a widely recognised truism that the likes of Caedmeron, Edweird the Milliner et alia certainly wouldn't countenance the idea of living next door to people of such idiosyncratic ways. Never, never.

But, since the Witqngemot are Terribly Concerned about the good people of the Realm, they're going to have a public consultation, allowing distressed members of the population to air their views, reservations and downright hostility to the ready ears of their representatives.

Naturally, it goes without saying that having heard the overwhelming views against the Plan, they'll implement it anyway. It's De-Mockry-cy, folks.

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