Friday, 25 February 2011

A Letter from Feaxede To Caedmeron

Once again I've been asked to perform my duties as scribe to one of my illiterate fellow creatures; the transcript follows:

Dear Caedmeron,

I take a close and personal interest in the matters of governance in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria, as my own existence as a living and intelligent creature fashioned by our Creator is very much bound up with those of the allegedly cleverer human contingent. I need your chicken carcasses, and you require my scavenging services to tidy up after your feasts. Quid pro quo, and all that.

Although to you I probably have little (or no) significance, there is one inescapable fact that is common to us both: we all breathe the same air, and have to pass our time peaceably and constructively within our limited years of earthly existence.

I am writing this letter (or - rather - CC is) to ask you a simple question, and it is this: what are you actually doing?

I understand that you are the Supreme Allied Commander-In-Chief of the Tree/Liberationist Witangemot, and I realise that you play a leading role on the political stage. But I know what a role is, sunshine - and it doesn't exactly suggest sincerity in action or purpose. It speaks of deceit - or showbiz and frothy entertainment. What troubles me (and also my white cat pal CC, who is also intently interested in these things) is that behind this facade of seriousness, you are having a laugh at the expense of those under your charge. For example:

You continue to burden your bovine and longsuffering people with excessively high taxation in the name of the Great Deficit, so that they all struggle to keep body and soul together, and yet you are giving them nothing in return - least of all reason to trust you;

You claim to be rectifying the damnable mess bequeathed you by your psychotic fly agaric-led Redistributionist colleagues, who successfully turned Northumbria into the devil's playground - and yet you are hiring diversity co-ordinators and fish psychologists as quickly as you are removing similar non-jobs elsewhere;

You are talking about the Big Community Idea, but nobody has a clue what it really is; it sounds to us that you have been eating too many magic mushrooms yourself. Do you normally start building up a house with the roof?

Honest men are working in the fields and the forests, the workshops and the forges; their women are raising children, cooking and grinding corn for their daily family bread. You and your fellows are disdainfully lording it over them, living off their labours and wearying them with your patronising drivel. It will not always be thus. Mark my words: sooner or later people will wake up and realise what you and your crew are up to. It won't be pretty when you have to explain yourself to them.

This is what CC and I think you're doing: you're just carrying on the fine demolition job on the Kingdom that your psychotic fly agaric-led Redistributionist predecessors did. You are handing over the reins of the Kingdom into the hands of garlic-breathed Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman, nor an empire) satraps over the water. Furthermore, we are of the opinion that you and your self-important friends across the factional divisions are serving the interests of people who are far wealthier and cleverer than you - and these are people who don't give two hoots about anybody outside of their own narrow, debased and greedy horizons. You can fool humans, but there are some creatures who can see through you and your kind.

When are you going to play the man and lead? Are you ever going to? Humans are not asking you this question, so I thought I should. I can get away with it - after all, I'm only a fox..

Loads of love

Feaxede (fox)

Written by Caedmon's Cat (amanuensis)

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