Thursday 10 February 2011

The Prince And The Porkers

This is such a busy week for your moggy; I was really hoping to take some time out - you know, catching mice and kitty stuff like that - but once again, I've been provoked by yet another episode in the continuing saga of our window-licking superiors. Why can't they simply let a cat have some peace for once? Pah!

This time we've been hearing about our esteemed Prince Ethelbert, who recently appeared in pomp and splendour before the Supreme Soviet of the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman, nor an empire). Prince Ethelbert has given a speech. Whoop-de-do. Hold on to your hats, people.

Now, if there were any sentient beings bearing the slightest vestige of human resemblance who certainly do not deserve the natural gift of communication, then this man must surely be one of them; in fact, it is this cat's considered opinion that he should be confined to a field somewhere, feeding pigs, mending fences or doing other constructive things. Over the years, this aristocratic buffoon has ably demonstrated to the rest of humanity - as well as those of us of the feline realm (and of course, not forgetting my mate Feaxede the fox) - his unbounded capacity to offload his phenomenal ignorance and spout complete rubbish. He's already successfully carved for himself a career by upsetting people infinitely more knowledgeable and experienced than he.

Our Clown Prince - at the invitation of the pig-faced Emperor Jose Borracho - has this time demonstrated his lack of knowledge and understanding of Climate Science; his expertise in this delicate subject can be considered to be inversely proportional to the size of his ears.

In his speech to the assembled adoring herds hordes, he suggested that all those people who cast doubt on the Holy Climate Change Dogma (taught by His Holiness Bishop Georges Moonbat, the fly agaric-chewing sage and spiritual leader of the drug-crazed World Climate Disaster Cult) should be held accountable. How will they face the next generation? Great question, Princey boy.
Guess what he's been chewing, guys..

Well, I never. Who'd have imagined that such a delicate petal of this lovely realm of Northumbria should come out with such imbecility?

It underlines to me my suspicion that this fellow and his wealthy associates have more than a vested interest in the success of these magic mushroom-inspired theologies. Methinks he and his family want to use the good offices of the crazed and deluded Bishop Georges Moonbat and his wild-eyed acolytes to keep the underlings poor, deprived and hungry. Such is the measure of their esteem for their subjects. After all, if honest men are no longer allowed to light fires and burn wood for their hearths and their forges for the sake of 'saving the planet', how are they going to keep warm, cook food and make a living? The irony of it all is that the Prince lives in unspeakable luxury and wealth, and has thousands of log fires to keep his houses and his lackeys warm. Bring up some more standards, boys: we haven't got enough to go round..

Lash the serfs a bit more - keep 'em under the whip and squeeze more groats out of them. Whatever.

It's often said in these parts that it's better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Prince Lugfest Ethelbert is a living demonstration of the wisdom of this saying.

I'd love to pay him a visit in his sumptuous residence. I have something to offer that would enhance his refined palate...

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