Tuesday 24 January 2012

Bishops And Baby Groats

As well as my current preoccupation with the second-class citizen status of my fellow-creatures, I'm also rather exercised by a row that's going on in the Witangemot here in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria. The Moot of Earls and Bishops (know to we animals as the Upper House Of The Undeserving) has recently rejected a proposal made by the politicos of the Tree/Liberationist Administration in the Lower House of  Parasites.

In a bid to reduce the Great Deficit that blights these blessed shores, Caedmeron and his fellow-travellers have proposed to reduce Public Expenditure by capping the limit by which earners may receive Baby Groats - an allowance for families with young mewling and puking infants. Hitherto, anyone with a child was entitled to the same amount of Baby Groats - whether an Earl with land, chests of golden groats, herds and flocks or a simple artisan or labourer. To the latter, the award is significant; to the former, it's a mere drop in a bucket.

This piece of absurdity was introduced fifteen thousand years ago by the Redistributionists of the time, who eagerly sought any opportunity to exercise their obsession with the great and inflexibly stupid and cruel god of Equality For All. Now that the Tree/Liberationist Administration is looking at ways in which to reduce the lavish spending of hard-earned taxes, they've come to the conclusion that there's no need for those who are living comfortably on their earnings or the fruits of their labours to receive the Baby Groats.

The Redistributionists have been up in arms about it. They've pronounced the ultimate curse, labelling this measure as Inappropriate, and the putrifying corpses of the Mortally Offended litter the streets, hedgerows and highways of the Realm. It's so very sad. The smell is terrible.

The proposal had to pass to the Moot of Earls and Bishops, who (as an unelected body) decided that it was not in the interests of De-Mockery-Cy for the limit to be set. Among them was a cosy cadre of wealthy Bishops of the Holy Church Of Redistributionism, who proceeded to pronounce seventy thousand anathemas on the vile and reprobate Trees and their Liberationist partners in crime. Their theological rationale behind this decision was that it wasn't just and righteous. This Cat suspects that they themselves receive this award for their legions of bratty and spoilt children, and they stand to lose it. And the thought of having to subsidise their wine cellars from their own pockets is theological heresy..


  1. Truely, if the Baby Groats hadn't been introduced to the Kingdom then they would not have been missed. But now, those that are in receipt would fight tooth and claw to retain them. The cat was very much let out of the bag in that case.

  2. Another astonishing triumph for the Fairyland-dwelling Redistributionists. I blame the mushrooms..