Tuesday 28 February 2012

Guardy-Ann's New Daily Workers

The soothsayer Guardy-Ann is a very peculiar institution in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria. The darling of the Redistributionists and the illiberal liberals, she bears messages of love, sweetness and beneficence for the world - and special reserves of it for those who don't share her magic mushroom-fuelled view of the world, governance and the price of hake. Of course, being somewhat idiosyncratic by nature, she wraps up her terms of endearment in the most venomous of sentiments and intemperate language. I blame the mushrooms: it's my own belief that centuries of mastication have had an irreversibly deleterious effect on her psyche, not to mention her powers of communication, leaving her like some demoniac who rails against invisible foes, and utters sweet nothings couched in flowery anglo-saxon Anglo-Saxon language at high volume. Sadly for Guardy-Ann, unlike the Gadarene demoniac of the Holy Gospels, redemption isn't in prospect...

Dear old Guardy - like her kinswoman and soul-mate Beeby See - has been intensely interested in the empire of His Royal Highness Prince Ruprecht Evil-Merodach, the proprietor of many fine soothsayers and entertainers, and she hasn't hesitated to share with the world her sadness and sympathy at the moral lapses of Rupie's soothsayers, thus demonstrating the innate goodness of her heart. Many pay court at her house, believing her to be the embodiment of goodness and virtue; others dismiss her as an embittered old witch. I think she's very odd - but strangely fascinating.

Recently there's been a lot of furore about Caedmeron's aim to encourage unemployed people to take on temporary periods of unpaid work, thus acclimatising them with the workaday world and giving them new areas of experience to help them for the future. Several market traders had shown an interest in such a scheme - until Guardy-Ann, Beeby See and the armchair generals of the Trade Guilds ventured the opinion that these unemployed people were simply being ruthlessly expoited by cynical employers who wanted some free labour.

Caedmeron and his fellow politicos - showing their cast iron resolve - dropped the proposal like a hot stone.

Guardy-Ann in the meantime has been quietly recruiting for volunteers to help her. They must be of non-Anglo-Saxon stock, and preferably disabled. If the latter quality is missing, I'm sure the disability can be easily arranged. The won't be paid, of course..

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