Tuesday 28 August 2012

The Invocation of the Moonbat

While I was occupied the other day, meaningfully lurking in the background, fine tuning my lion impressions (I like to do this every now and then - it has the twin benefit of entertaining the soothsayers, as well as keeping unreflective members of the Northumbrian public on their toes), I was accosted by my vulpine friend Feaxede, who'd apparently been searching high and low for me. As soon as I perceived his outline trotting hastily towards me, I could guess what was coming; he's a very excitable creature, and as soon as he gains the slightest scent of political scandal, rhubarb and business in the air, his instinctive reaction is to offload it all onto me. I also think he like to be in the know about these things before I'm aware of them.

He animatedly told me that he'd just caught wind of an exciting new development involving His Holy Eminence Pope Georges Moonbat - the High Priest, Sacred Witch Doctor-In-Chief and Canis Corpus of the magic mushroom-fuelled, sword-swinging Global Warming Cult. For those who are unfamiliar with this bizarre and esoteric sect, they are a coterie of like-minded individuals who have espoused the irrational belief that the temperature of the world is being raised because of human activity - especially through lighting too many bonfires and firing too many kilns, charcoal burners and forges. Their wild-eyed vision is for an earth where every human being who lights a fire for warmth or work pays a large number of Holy Groats by way of punishment (or taxation, as it's called), thus releasing more currency into the hands of the politicos and Global Warming priests, who are then enabled to live lavishly on the ill-gotten fat of the land while the remainder of the population suffers deprivation and poverty, or freezes to death in the middle of winter for want of vital warmth. As one can ascertain, such adherents of this wild faith have scant regard for the needs of others, since their own religious vision - inspired by the chewing of the sacred 'shroom - trumps every other consideration.

The Moonbat has recently declared that he's invoked his god to pour down the vials of wrath and damnation upon those who doubt and ridicule his holy creed. He sounds a nice fellow - I'd love to meet him. I just need to perfect my roar and develop a taste for bad meat...

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