Wednesday, 8 August 2012

The Cat's Ethics Lesson

In recent days, my friend Feaxede the Fox has been bombarding me with questions about the Northumbrian socio-political scene. He's a curious creature - I'd almost put him on a par with we cats, but that perhaps would be verging on hyperbole. Nevertheless, I have to admire him for his enquiring mind, as well as his thirst for knowledge (which is amply evidenced in his regular forays into the Streonaeshalch municipal dump for the sake of research).

Yesterday, we were having one of those discussions, and out of the blue he asked me about human criminality. You must bear in mind that we creatures are not mired in the morass of human ethics; we're simply not moral beings. We don't have to be. The reason for this is simply that we didn't transgress the Almighty's moral imperative in the beginning; therefore we're not stained by the moral imperfection of fallen humanity, and we share none of the responsibility for it. (However, we have to put up with the wider consequences of the original human transgression; that's why we have to die, and it also explains why some of us critters are more partial to a diet of meat rather than leaves and berries.)

Since Feaxede was anxious to know about these things, I was only too glad to oblige and pass on to him the benefits of my Christian education from my master Caedmon. I told him that there are three grades of criminal in the Northumbrian Kingdom and in the wider world beyond. The largest group consists of those who are low in human sociological ranking. These are people who steal, rob, extort; those who kill other human beings, or allow their pet dogs to adorn the pavements of the Realm with their curled offerings. This low-grade category of criminal is the one that is most likely to grace the oubliettes and dungeons of the Realm, as they've been unfortunate enough to have been apprehended by the Costumed thugs.

The second category of criminal is the politicos. This is an elite group of parasitic humans who steal, rob, defraud, bribe, bully, patronise and extort; they vote for the killing other human beings in warfare, and freely allow their pet dogs to adorn the pavements of the Realm with their curled offerings. They sit aloof from the other criminals, and because of this they affect a supercilious attitude towards those they 'serve'. Occasionally one may be apprehended and subjected to the processes of human justice. But this is rare.

The third category consists of the moneylenders. This is getting repetitive...

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