As wandered out on my territorial rounds this morning to sniff the sea air, hear the profanities of the herring gulls and the squawking fish market traders, and watch men taking their defunct parents for rides in carts, my peace and enjoyment was interrupted by my vulpine friend Feaxede, who was excitedly trotting towards me.
When I saw him, I immediately knew that he had some piece of gossip to pass on. And so it was; he'd just heard that the Dear And Heavenly Leader - the Chief Cock and Bluebottle Washer Dagwald Caedmeron had announced to to the slavering packs of soothsayers that he was going to launch A New Initiative. Hooray for Caddy Boy and his inspired leadership! Life is so exciting these days, isn't it?
After my initial rush of excitement at this momentous piece of news, my feline mind started to go into curiosity mode. What was this Bold New Venture going to be? Feaxede explained that Caddy Boy was going to introduce a new economic system called Popular Enterprise. Since the irresponsible Moneylenders had thrown trillions of holy groats at anything that had at least one leg and moved (irrespective of the ability to pay the money back) - thus occasioning the Great Sovereign Debt Calamity and Credit Catastrophe - he decided that the Northumbrian people were anxious to see the constipated economy moving again in a new, cuddly and fluffy kind of way.
It sounded like a beautiful idea. After all, the bovine Northumbrian masses need to be reassured that the Tree/Liberationist Administration are Doing Something to get business and trade moving, and to be protected from predatory moneylenders, bakers, fishmongers, artisans, builders and workshop owners who deceive them and take advantage of their few remaining brain cells by overcharging them for their shoddy services and products.
It was when I heard of Caedmeron's Five Year Plan that I started to hear the alarm bells ring. I knew that the Bulgars had a similar system thirty thousand years ago, and it was corrupt and inefficient, leaving the people impoverished, demotivated, useless and unable to put one foot in front of the other without some Redistributionist official's say-so.
I brought up my breakfast..