Tuesday, 10 January 2012

The Comeback Kid

Ever since the days of the legendary Sinistra the Frank (who had a habit of resurrecting his entertainment career every five minutes), this Cat has never seen a comeback like it.

My dear reader, you may find this incredibly difficult to comprehend, but the unpalatable truth is that Edweird the Milliner - Revered and Adored Leader of the Redistributionist Faction - has been fighting for his political career and credibility. After a series of astounding political triumphs (I forget what they were, and I even wonder if I really knew when they were current), Edweird has suffered some minor setbacks in the long and hard road to political oblivion.

He's uncharacteristically displayed that warm and endearingly human tendency to indecision, and to place his foot in his oral cavity, resulting in a tailspin descent in the esteem in which he was formerly held by Beeby See, Guardy-Ann, the Windy Pedant and other liberally illiberal soothsayers. Bless.

This illustrious inheritor of the mantle of Guffmund the Brown - previous Redistributionist Principal Minister and recently disgraced cook and culinary kleptomaniac - has admittedly had a hard act to follow, since Guffo was a born entertainer, and a cheery, charming and cheeky bankrupter of the Kingdom. With a ready smile and a joke, he sold the King's Golden Treasury to Barbary pirates in exchange for some supposedly magical coloured beads. It was subsequently revealed that the Barbary pirates were actually nothing of the sort - they were disguised emissaries of the Evil Emperor Jose Borracho - the Supreme Commander of the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire), and there were no magical properties to the merchandise after all. But the magic mushrooms they supplied him at the time of the transaction had been mightily potent..

Apart from the difficulty of maintaining the warm esteem in which the Northumbrian public carried Guffo because of his magnetic personality and sparkling wit, Edweird has struggled to find a similar place in the hearts of the bankrupted and long-suffering populace. Since it was only a few short years ago that he was potty-trained at the Redistributionist Waste Matter Collective at the Yorvik School of Esoterics, I'm not altogether surprised. It's also difficult to win an argument that doesn't exist - especially when the incriminating evidence of the previous Redistributionist administration is being reaped through the savage Public Expenditure Cuts.

But I digress. Edweird has launched his comeback today with an impassioned speech through his nose, where he stated that the leadership of the Redistributionist Faction had to change. I yawned, and I think I missed it...

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