Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Three Leaders' New Year Addresses
Hello people, and a Happy New Year to you all! I hope you've enjoyed the festivities. Here in the lovely kingdom of Northumbria, we've been blessed by the various traditions and customs of the Anglo-Saxons; King Alhfrith gave his customary Christmas speech, and he called the Kingdom to faith and trust in the Almighty, and for the sacred exercise of grace and forgiveness. The foamings from the mouths of the atheists was wondrous to behold. It's still being cleaned up as I write..
We also were given the pleasure of New Year speeches from the respective Faction Leaders. My joy knows no bounds, and the ripples of excitement following these addresses remain to this day. I feel very tired...
Speaking as your Glorious Leader, it is my privilege to address you as my loyal subjects. The year that has passed has been a tough one for you, as we've all had to face the uncertainties of the Great Credit Crisis - along with the struggles of the Holy Roman Empire Ducat to remain as a viable currency. Many of you - particularly those of you in the Public Sector - have been forced out of your jobs, and you're finding that there are few opportunities for fish quota accountants, diversity coordinators and pigeon psychologists at the moment. Believe me, the reduction of these services was a tough decision that we had to take, and we had no choice. To put it simply, there are no more groats, and it is imperative that we pay off our debts so that we can ensure a secure and prosperous future. Your - our - sacrifice is vital.
Nevertheless, we have a glorious prospect facing us at the start of a New Year, but before we can reach this rainbow, we have more uncertainty and poverty to face - or, at least, you do. But we're all in this together. Nevertheless, we have the wonderful prospect of the Holy Roman Empire Games to look forward to later this year, and this can spur us on and inspire us. No expense will be spared to ensure that this is an astounding success for the Kingdom. That is something we all can look forward to. A Happy New Year to you all. Have fun!
This has been a difficult year for the Tree/Liberationist Administration, but I'm delighted to say that we Liberationists are leading those wicked Trees by the nose, and ensuring that our policies - the ones that you didn't vote for - are implemented. We're committed to a healthy de-mockery-cy, and are very happy to commend the Holy Roman Empire to you as the way forward for our Kingdom. We should put your shoulders to the wheel, and help to bail out the Sacred Holy Roman Empire Ducat so that we can maintain the prosperity of the Emperor Jose Borracho and his courtiers, lieutenants and satraps. We shall of course rigorously and vigorously campaign for the rights of the melting polar bear cubs and left-handed members of the community, and we plan to implement a diversity and climate change commisariat to achieve this. We are also counting on an overwhelming landslide in our favour in the next Great Vote. We are preparing for Government. On Our Own. Happy New Year.
Edweird The Milliner
This country has been betrayed by the elitist Trees and their Liberationist lapdogs. They are pandering to every available vested interest, and they are in cahoots with the Moneylenders, who have bankrupted the country. We are calling for a Public Enquiry - no expense and expenses spared - to investigate this, and we will insist that it is exclusively staffed by our own people, who are most likely to be objective and impartial. Come that glorious day, there will no longer be a Liberationist or a Tree in this Kingdom, as history follows its predetermined course to eradicate all counter-revolutionary forces and beautiful Redistributionism becomes the air we breathe. Until then, look up to me - your Great Leader. Destiny calls us. Join the Redistributionist Faction today to share in our great future. Happy New Year.