Thursday 1 August 2013

Peer Over The Abyss

Since I last posted about the arrival of the New Addition to the Royal House of Alhfrith (he's doing very well, widdling, howling and making copious colonic political statements), I'm very gratified to report that the wider family of the Great And The Good is also burgeoning, albeit at a significantly faster rate than the Monarch's own dynasty.

Dagwald Caedmeron - the Paloocus Magnus of the Tree/Liberationist Alliance Administration - has revealed to an awestruck Northumbrian public the latest leg-ups to greatness, prestige, power and biscuit. The awards of peerages by the administration du jour is a weekly event that's invariably attended by a great deal of soothsayer excitement, which in turn stimulates highly organised impromptu street parties and celebratory revelries by the less reflective members of Northumbrian humanity. The consequent carnage is delightful to a cat's eyes and nostrils...

The status of Anglo-Saxon earldom used to be a matter solely determined by birth, but in these increasingly Redistributionist times, the People - whoever they are: I've never quite figured that out yet - have relentlessly clamoured for Equality, Fair Play and a Level Playing Field, resulting in the elevation of chickens, pigs, professional whingers and assorted ne'er-do-wells to the elevated heights of Northumbrian society. The playing field is now several hundred feet below ground level. Oddly enough, these new appointees happen to be either politicos or their nearest and dearest friends. I'm sure this must be a coincidence. The hereditary earls avoid their new neighbours; from what I've gathered from my feline associate Lareow (Senior Rodent Commissar to the House of Caedmeron), it's because they don't like the smell..

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