Friday 20 May 2011

The Campsite On World's End

It appears that The End Is Nigh - or so Beeby See smirkingly tells us. This beloved soothsayer - satiated with her own smugness - has reported that some strange religious leader called Harold The Campsite in Ultima Thule has predicted that the world will end this weekend. The atheists - so Beeby gleefully tells us - are planning a huge party as a gesture of contempt and ridicule. Much ale, cider and mead will be consumed - and many magic mushrooms will be chewed, no doubt. Whoop-de-doo.

Well - bully for Harold. He's evidently party to some esoteric knowledge that isn't imparted to the majority of Christian mortals. I wonder where he got this juicy morsel of hot news from? Did the Almighty have a quiet word in his shell-like? I doubt it. If I were a betting cat, I'd lay a few groats on the probability that he juggled around a few biblical symbols and metaphors, threw a few bones, did a few sums - and lo and behold! An End Date For The World.

Sorry, Harold, old boy. You're just one of a legion of daft old goats who have made a sport and pastime of this kind of thing throughout history - and if I had a groat for every such prediction that failed to deliver, I'd give Croesus a run for his money. The Redeemer clearly said that the date wasn't up for grabs - not even to the best guesser or the most astute interpreter of Holy Writ. And the Almighty has a tendency to let such prognosticators get egg on their faces for good measure - usually smelly and rotten. And then the Date gets mysteriously re-scheduled as they try to justify themselves... dorks, or what..?

As for Beeby See, the other soothsayers and the atheists - they can bray and guffaw as much as they like. Let me make a prediction of my own: I predict a lot thumping heads and bad stomachs the following morning - and at some indeterminate time in the future, but certain nonetheless  - a very unpleasant surprise. And its precise date and time is not in a human timetable.


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