Thursday 27 October 2011

Aerial Warfare

The Witangemot's demolition of the Northumbrian peoples' wishes for a vote regarding continued membership of the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire) has caused something of an uproar in this beautiful Realm, as ordinary Northumbrians have started to wake up to the realisation that they're not being represented by their local politicos at all, but are being governed by a cadre of patronising, unprincipled and spineless placemen at the behest of the Evil Emperor King Jose Borracho and his vapid, half-witted henchman Hermit the Rumphole. My master Caedmon is quite philosophical and phlegmatic about it all, since he has a biblically pessimistic view of the nature of human nature and political institutions..

My good friend Feaxede the fox, on the other hand, is hopping mad about the sad and sordid business, and he's been passing on the news through his own vulpine corner of the Northumbrian vineyard, but sadly, none of his fellow-creatures seem to be remotely concerned or even interested. (However, despite their failure to grasp the implications of these issues and their apparent indifference to matters human, they do have more than a passing passion for the trivial fripperies of 'The Ð Factor' and 'Strictly Foxtrot.')

Even so, life is full of surprises - and surprising ones at that. I learned today that the avian members of the created order are already primed to take action - and they mean serious business. I'm particularly referring to the Seagulls, who adorn the cliff faces and roofs of Streonaeshalch - as well as the municipal dump, where they carry out their own assiduous research. These birds are fearless, cheeky, intrusive and can grow to considerable sizes. I stalked and killed a small gull once; I won't ever repeat that folly, as it took several days for my injuries to heal: they have very sharp beaks. And the taste wasn't worth the battle anyway.. You live and learn.

The greatest asset of these greedy, noisy and aggressive birds is their aerial eloquence in making weighty statements from a considerable height. As I've mentioned elsewhere, they're also known to coordinate their efforts and make their pronouncements in choro. Which is just as well, since the politicos have been recently deeply concerned about their growth in numbers, and consequently have been plotting to reduce their numbers through proposed programmes of population control and Herodian slaughter.

A campaign of aerial warfare against the Witangemot is therefore now in operation. Squadrons of the blessed birdies are already descending upon their Moot Hall in clusters of several thousand, gaining ingress to the inner chamber and giving the politicos the benefit of their colorectal opinions. Repeatedly. With bells and whistles.

What the seagulls deposit on the heads, shoulders and benches of the honourable members is a great deal more desirable than the foul stuff they habitually serve up. I don't feel at all sorry for them; I'll be cheering from the wings. Bring it on, boys!

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