Monday 24 October 2011

A Gruel Twist

Pondering recent developments here in the lovely country of Northumbria, it seems that there's a theme that pops up with some regularity, and that is Getting Rid of Undesirable Elements, or GRUEL for short. Just as it's vital for the the alimentary system to purge out waste colorectally-generated matter for its continued health, so the Cyrenians have deemed it necessary to remove the crazy, khat-chewing despot O'Daffy from their midst. Having been discovered and summarily beheaded in a suitably affectionate fashion by his compatriots, he's no longer around to grace the Cyrenian shores with his demented brand of tyranny. In a similar manner, the genteel and Deeply Concerned residents of Rosedale have found it imperative to drive out the foul-smelling and illicit encampments of Redistributionist and Liberationist ne'er-do-wells from the nearby Farm, thus enabling them to diffuse their malodorous and squalid habits like an evil smelling flatulence throughout the Realm. It's a wonderful world.

Yet here's a twist: there are other issues where undesirable elements aren't being so eagerly expunged; the hordes of deranged children who are encamped around the markets of Yorvik and other settlements in our beautiful realm are becoming a perfect nuisance as they get in the way, barking and encouraging their dogs to randomly pound their bongos, chewing magic mushrooms and mindlessly intoning slogans against those Evil Makers of Wealth whose groats - through the magical medium of taxation - help to subsidise their indolent and illusory career choices. Despite the fact that their campaign (whatever it is, no one really knows) isn't making any impression upon the industrious Northumbrians or the Moneylenders, nobody seems to be intent on driving out these herds. No mobs of farmers have arrived with wagon loads of pig manure with which to beautify them. The Witangemot haven't sent in the Costumed Thugs, either. I simply don't understand why not.

And I don't understand why the politicos seem so reluctant to remove that other Evil-smelling Encampment in our midst - the vice-like grip of the Holy Roman Empire, which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire. There's already been an unholy stink about the Evil Intergalactic Federation among the ordinary Unwashed, but the politicos are either ignoring the voice of the people they pretend to represent, or they're making mealy-mouthed promises to them which are as valuable as the stool I dropped and buried in Caedmon's garden this morning...

Why are some undesirables being removed while others are being kept? I can only suppose that it suits the background Workers of Iniquity to let them carry on. They must be up to something..

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