Wednesday 12 December 2012

Caedmeron's Great Gamble

The onward march of idiocy continues apace - much to the amusement of your Moggy. The latest excitement to engulf the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria revolves around a controversial measure introduced by Dagwald Caedmeron, the Pontifex Maximus and Chicken Supreme of the Tree Faction, and also Primus Inter Pares of the Tree/Liberationist Alliance Administration. This new Great Piece of Significant Policy is designed to grant homeopathic badgers the right to vote in any place of worship they deem suitable.

Naturally, the rank-and-file Tree Faction members are Deeply Concerned about this, since such a change of policy is contrary to the Natural Order of Things, and they see this measure as an unwelcome imposition foisted upon them and, moreover, without any prior reference to their own Greatly Valued opinions. It certainly wasn't in the Tree Faction's Declaration of Intent, which they hastily scribbled five minutes prior to assuming the sacred office. The Redistributionists however - led nobly from behind by their Great Mascot Edweird the Milliner - are quite pleased with this idea, since it meshes very tidily into their own magic mushroom-inspired narrative, and is consistent with the theology of their cruel and inflexibly stupid deity called Equality. Nevertheless, they've stated that the proposal doesn't go far enough, since it leaves no room for the weasels. It's all so very sad. There's simply no pleasing some.

Caddy Boy recently stated to his adoring acolytes, window-lickers and sycophants that he's introducing this new Great Measure for the very reason that he's a Tree, and he doesn't want poor homeopathic badgers to miss out on the opportunity for participation in the life of the Christian Community. Which is nice. Despite this theatrical posturing and intention to drag this into the statute books, most Trees are already leaving the Faction in droves and seeking refuge in the Northumbrian Independence Freedom Faction - a breakaway group which opposes the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy, Roman nor an empire) and that kind of thing, and wistfully longs for Northumbria's green and pleasant land.

Since badgers are normally secretive nocturnal creatures, most ordinary Northumbrians are quite content to let them carry out their practice of diluting their urine to the trillionth degree - as long as they don't parade their strange and esoteric medicine in full public gaze. However, they find the idea of allowing them to vote in a sacred place of worship a Step Too Far. Needless to say, the Church isn't too enchanted with the idea. One clergyman has politely suggested to Caedmeron that he should take a one-way journey to Perdition - which isn't a place within the boundaries of our Kingdom.. I'll have to ask Caedmon where it is...

It's all likely to end in tears. And I suspect that most of the badgers don't give a rat's rump about voting, anyway. They're too busy plotting the Great Cull of the Politicos..

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