Friday 28 December 2012

The Milliner's One Momentous Message

There's been a wonderful succession of feasts recently; the season of Advent, culminating in the Feast of Christmas, immediately followed by the Feast of St Stephen, the first Martyr. It's a significant relief that these holy festivals take place at the midpoint of the winter, when the days are at their shortest and bleakest; the proliferation of candles casts a welcome glow in the churches, mead houses and hovels of Streonaeshalh - and, of course, the cliff top Abbey. No Christmas would be complete without the candle-lit masses, the feasting of families and friends - and the inevitable entertainment proceeding from the annual oration by some political dunderhead, equipped with a large mouth and a pathologically inflated view of his own significance.

This year the lot has fallen to Edweird the Milliner - the Great Fallen Star and Pantomime Dame of the Redistributionist Faction has - in the interests of the Kingdom - delivered an oration in which he's made some solemn pledges to those who are take him seriously enough and give an ounce of credence to the moisture-laden words that drip from his chops. SInce Eddie is the Chief Shepherd of the Opposition, he enjoys the blessed prerogative of bleating whatever he likes, unfettered by the harsh realities of decision-making - provided, that is, that it'll serve his political advantage and convey his fantastical image as a caring, compassionate and thoroughly honest broker. Which of course, he is. Excuse me - I need to visit my litter tray rather urgently... I think it's something I've eaten...

Edweird the Milliner - so mercifully bereft of the ravages of conscience and principle - has promised not to forget those who have been forgotten, overlooked, ignored or forsaken by the ruling Tree/Liberationist Alliance Faction. In order to tug at the heart-strings of the gullible, he's promised - in line with his One Kingdom hallucination - to give a thought to those who have been disadvantaged by the Great Cutback policies of the present administration. Which means that if we're to take Edweird the Milliner at his word (and we can choose any one of several million), he's going to remember everyone. That's a tough gig. But I don't think that Eddie's endeavour to bind the entire population in perpetual remembrance includes his fellow politicos, who are never out of their own collective consciousness. In the unlikely event that he were to fulfil this undertaking, the question that insinuates itself into my feline mind (such as it is) is, how long would he remember the Great Forgotten for? To gauge opinion on this, I asked various friends of mine to hazard a guess. Brockwald the Badger predicted that Eddie would remember for a full hour. Feaxede the Fox - who, to be fair, has had some previous experience of the Redistributionist Faction - suggested that he would remember for half an hour.

I give him about three nanoseconds...

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