Tuesday 4 December 2012

Hard Pressed

There's been a great deal of delirium, excitement and biscuit in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria of late regarding the recent recommendations made by the Leftvision Report - a recently released illuminated tome of colossal size, costing several trillions of Holy Groats. This Great Book seems to have emerged from the wreckage of an enquiry into various soothsayers of the Realm - and particularly the activities of Prince Ruprecht Evil-Merodach, the wealthy and influential owner of myriads of soothsaying interests whose principal sin was to apostatise and turn his allegiance away from the Redistributionists, and pitch his tent instead within the happy land of Dagwald Caedmeron's Tree Faction.

In view of the misdemeanours of Prince Rupie's soothsayers and their drudges (i.e. listening in to private conversations and publicly proclaiming them from the rooftops), it was decreed in the aforesaid Report that Something Must Be Done about these scallywags; consequently, several soothsayers have already been lovingly hanged until dead in the public squares of the Kingdom. Naturally, Beeby See and her vile soothsaying crony Guardy-Ann have been exempt from such investigations, and have sat on high horses to proclaim vituperation, disdain and contempt upon those unfortunate enough to have been caught. The recently uncovered scandals concerning Beeby's late impresario, the Lothario Ine Sovile - along with the tax-evading measures taken by groat-strapped Guardy-Ann - have mysteriously dissipated from public consciousness, allowing these self-styled moralists and overseers of the Kingdom's information to preach with impunity. It's all so very sad.

Adding their own two pennyworth to the furore have been the politicos, many of whom have sanctimoniously called for all soothsaying enterprises in the Kingdom to be strictly filtered and controlled by the Redistributionist Faction, who've already appointed themselves as the sole guardians of the One True And Holy Narrative. This of course has nothing to do with the fact that the soothsayers disclosed the money-grubbing and fraudulent activities of these politicos in their wild expense-claiming antics. Nor is this hysterical call for control of the soothsayers related to the desire on the part of most of the politicos for complete and unaccountable control over every activity in every corner of the Realm.

There's going to be a great deal of heat and very little light over this matter in the next few millennia. In fact, certain politicos would very much like it all to be kept in the dark - which I suspect is their own natural habitat...

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