Friday, 12 July 2013

Nosh Bosh

Just when this Cat had happily settled to a quiet life dedicated to rodent elimination and the maintenance of territorial integrity, another unwelcome broadside came a-blasting from the politicos here in the lovely Kingdom of Northumbria - and I'm not referring to that massive pay increase recently proposed for the Kingdom's politicos (apparently designed to encourage the struggling Northumbrian serf and tradesman to smile in his penury and with a tug of the forelock wish the more deserving ruling classes well).

This particular issue is about the consumption of food in the kindergartens of the Realm. It appears that a select committee of expert martinets have decided that the children of this blessed backwater province of the Holy Roman Empire (which is neither holy nor Roman, and doesn't even smell like an empire) are grossly overweight and unhealthy, and they've decided to Do Something About It.

Since they've been anxious to justify their otherwise worthless and meaningless employment – along with the billions of taxpayers' Holy Groats spent on their meager salaries and sinecures, they've elected to make a Bold Decision following their careful research. Consequently, they've produced and published a five hundred thousand-page document that contains selectively edited case histories and histrionic emotional argument. Some politicos have (purportedly) read it and openly wept over their venison cutlets, truffles and fine Frankish wines. It's so terribly sad.

The resulting proposal from the Report is that the children should no longer bring into their places of education lunches lovingly prepared by their mothers, since this is perceived to be at the root of their weighty problem. The remaining choice will either be starvation, or the schools' own catering supplied by courtesy of local Viking fast food outlets. It will of course comply with the strict dietary rules found in the sacred pages of the Eddas. I'm so relieved..

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