Wednesday, 3 August 2011

A Pie For A Pie, A Truth For A Truth

The exciting news is out at last; we've been waiting for this with bated breath for what seems to be an eternity. At last, we've learned that the young self-appointed servant who attempted to dish up a pie for soothsayer Magnate Prince Ruprecht Evil-Merodach at high speed has finally been sentenced in the Moot. Hooray for Northumbrian justice and fair play!

After a long pregnant pause in the Moot, the judge put on the black silken cap on his head and solemnly pronounced sentence on the young, magic mushroom-eating fast-food merchant. Having been told by the Beak that his act was an example of appalling and mindless violence, he is to serve Six Minutes in a place of Correction. The gasps in the assembly were clearly audible. Feaxede the fox was there with me when I witnessed this; he later told me that he was sure he saw the judge's right eye twitch as he looked intently at the villain and passed sentence upon him. The scoundrel was led away in chains. It was the humblest day of his life.

The poor chap is going to suffer the ravages of a Gaol Sentence. O, the indignity, the shame! Be amazed, ye heavens. Alas, alack. His poor, distraught parents must be at their wits' end. It would've been better if he'd been dispatched to meet his Maker - at least the suffering would be quickly over. Of course, I can't speak for what would follow for him in the eternal hereafter..

Feaxede has a different perspective on it all; he reckons he'll get a slap-up meal of steak pie with the Gaolkeeper, and will go home immediately afterwards, after which he'll be subsequently courted by Beeby See, Guardy-Ann and every other fly agaric-chewing soothsayer and low-life. A life of Base Criminality beckons. He put forward the idea that he may also end up on the Judges' Panel with Father Simon the Cowl for the forthcoming 'Ð Factor', and a life in politics could beckon. Disgrace, indeed.

Be that as it may, he'll be branded for life with a criminal record, and nothing will remove that grossly unpalatable truth. The disgrace will dog him like his shadow for all his remaining days..

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