Friday, 19 August 2011

Riot Royal Carry-On

I've just received some very serious news; I would advise my reader(s) to sit down and exhale slowly. Now take a deep breath, and read on.

Prince Walthelm and Princess Gytha - the newlywed Golden Royal Couple, whose Wedding was such a cause for intoxicated rejoicing back in April  - have been arrested for taking part in the recent rioting and looting in the settlement of Yorvik. This news came to me as a bolt from the blue through the good services of Lareow - the Mouser Majordomo of Caedmeron's Official Residence. Lareow is a wonderful source of interesting information that doesn't ever reach the attention of the soothsayers. (If it does reach them, it never passes their chops, so I can only guess that they're sworn, threatened or bribed to secrecy.) As I understand the intelligence that came my way, they were observed helping themselves to chic and fashionable Viking 'chav' clothing from a trader's store.

This news comes as a complete shock to me; if anyone from the rarefied atmosphere of Northumbrian aristocratic circles were capable of such (pardon the trendy word you're about to read) inappropriate behaviour, it would never have occurred to me that it would be these. They are the embodiment of grace, wealth, privilege and good manners. If anyone were to be capable of such an outlandish act, surely it would be the potty-mouthed Queen Hillida, whose reputation for unseemly conduct is widely known. Even the refined commoner Mebeverin of Tinwald - who has recently married into royalty, and is now three thousandth in line to the coveted Northumbrian throne wouldn't have done such a thing.

It only leaves me to wonder if the accused couple are really responsible for this - or whether they were actually impersonated by some Viking agents provocateurs. To my reckoning, that's the most plausible explanation for such an extraordinary happening. Or perhaps they were reacting to Caedmeron's Cuts - although I haven't heard that the Royal Family will be affected. Perhaps they were simply bored with their gilded cage, and wanted a bit of action to inject some excitement into the mundanity of their cossetted lives. I don't know..

But it's going to be interesting to find out if Caedmeron is going to be as harsh in the punishment meted out to them as he has been for the riff-raff. If he gets this wrong, his stature is going to be substantially diminished; the swords are very sharp, I hear..

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