Monday, 1 August 2011
Things are getting really exciting here in the lovely land of Northumbria, and there's a buzz of anticipation among the locals here in Streonaeshalch. I saw three seagulls perform a synchronised aerial dump, and go for a dive and a victory roll that happened to be poised in the hands of the local alderman.
This is the source of today's excitement: the Costumed Thugs have announced that there is trouble in store for those Vile and Degenerate Individuals in the Realm who believe that politicians are thieving, posturing and conniving liars. Similarly, those Wretched Specimens of Humanity who don't believe every sacred word that drips from the chops of the politicos, Beeby See, Guardy-Ann and His Holiness Georges Moonbat - the revered Spiritual Leader of the hallucinogen-fuelled Global Warming Cult - are also in line for Great Distress.
This - it seems - is because these groups of people have been defined by the aforesaid Costumed Thugs as Anarchists. Tremble and be very afraid at the very mention of that word, people. I've heard it said that Anarchists are terrible people, who pose a Dreadful Threat to the Good Order of the Northumbrian Throne and Nation. Anyone who knows any individual - even a husband, a wife or other family member - holding such Subversive Views should contact the Costumed Thugs and pass on the information in complete Confidence. Step out of the way, Judas - your disciples are coming.
Feaxede and I discussed this matter between ourselves, and we decided to be public-spirited, and to save the poor overworked Costumed Thugs a lot of time and trouble. We decided to give ourselves up. By the time we arrived at the Headquarters of the Costumed Thugs, we were amazed at what we saw. Just about every human adult was already there, and also every cow, fox, pig, rat, dog, cat, horse, sheep and goat. The noise of the throng was deafening. We didn't stick around after all - the smell was unbearable, too. We'll keep our subversive views secret.. If they want our pelts, they can jolly well come for them.