Friday, 5 August 2011

The Politics of The Sacred Fungus

The astounding tidings of great joy have been released to the wider Northumbrian electorate that the Liberationist Faction have been seriously considering de-criminalising the Consumption of Magic Mushrooms. This is a bold step, quite in keeping with the original laissez-faire libertarian philosophy, which in ancient times used to undergird the policies of this once esteemed group of politicos.

The consumption of magic mushrooms (or fly agaric, to be botanically precise) constitutes a Major Crime and Misdemeanour in this sceptered Realm. It's frowned upon by the influential members of our Anglo-Saxon society, since it's traditionally regarded as a worthless pastime indulged in by layabouts, losers, ne'er-do-wells and those who seek some form of escapism from the harsh and gut-wrenching realities of life in this Vale Of Tears. However, the reality is quite different. Apart from occasional seizures of crops of the sacred fungi by Costumed Thugs - followed by long custodial sentences for the unfortunate horticulturalists whose cultivation and distribution activities are discovered, the fact is that consumption of this toxic hallucinogen is extremely widespread, and has been (unofficially) regarded as socially acceptable. The public chewing of the illicit shroom is a familiar sight in the streets and at upper-class dinner parties. Beeby See and Guardy-Ann depend upon it for their inspiration and their ongoing survival. The effect of the fungus is to transport the consumer away into a bright fairyland, where the cruel laws of reason and logic no longer hold sway, and everything is right on and wonderful, man.

Since the penalities for being caught in posession of the sacred fungus result in heavy fines exacted by menaces from the offenders - and long gaol sentences to boot - the de-criminalisation of its use would deny the Treasury of a significant quantity of groats - and the incarceration industry would likewise take a heavy hammering. That would be so sad, since it would leave a prison population solely comprising of murderers, robbers, cat burglars and elderly women who have permitted their dogs to beautify the streets of the Kingdom with their scatological sausages. Tragedy, indeed.

The underlying reason for this proposal by the Liberationists is perhaps less altruistic and libertarian, though; the entire basis of the Redistributionist and Liberationist political philosophies (which are expressions of a mentality rather than carefully crafted ideologies, and as such are merely variants of each other) rest upon fondly-held illusions, nourished by a hearty contempt for reason and commonsense. And whence do these philosophies proceed, you might ask? Ask your local grower or dealer, people. They have the answer.

Now, where's that catmint? Come to Kitty...

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