Tuesday 19 July 2011

Smelly Vision

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging for a few days, but the fact of the matter is that I've been plagued by something which has been bothering me for several days now. Let me explain.

We cats - like other four-footed predators - are blessed with a very finely-tuned and acute sense of smell. After all, such a faculty is essential for our survival in the wild; we need it to seek out our prey - especially in the dark - and also to detect reactions in other creatures like fear, for example.

The fact of the matter is that I've been troubled with a bad smell which has been saturating my nostrils - and it simply won't go away. It would be a minor annoyance if it were merely a constant smell of wood smoke, Beeby See's halitosis or rotting vegetation, but this is an odour which is far worse and more acrid to my snitch than that. Even rotting meat is fragrant by comparison with this continual, savage assault upon my nasal passages. I've been getting sick to the back teeth of it.

In my desperation I went around my other four-footed associates in turn to ask them if they could smell it, and each of of them expressed some considerable degree of relief that they weren't the only creatures who were experiencing this annoyance. Feaxede the fox, Leo the big cat and my other feline companions all can still smell it. Even the neighbourhood dogs can smell it - and while they normally seem to delight in the vilest scents, they're certainly not enjoying this..

I asked Caedmon if he was aware of it when it first assailed my nostrils, but he wasn't even aware of it. He unhelpfully suggested that we were suffering from excessively sensitive olefactory senses. Gee, thanks. Now tell me something I don't know..

I went to see the Abbess Hilda for some advice and perspective, since this smell was an issue that was causing me some perplexity. Although she's a force to be reckoned with, the Abbess has a heart of gold, and is particularly fond of God's creatures. When I told her what we creatures were experiencing, a light of recognition crept over her face. She then told me that there is such thing as the Odour Of Sanctity; it's a spiritual fragrance that is present in certain humans who enjoy a particularly close association with the Almighty, and are in tune with His ways. Perhaps this was something that was the exact opposite? She then asked me what had been troubling me, so I told her about the Prince Ruprecht Evil-Merodach Eavesdropping Scandal - and the subsequent fallout from recent events. I told her about the posturing, the shouting and the constant finger-pointing of the soothsayers, the politicos and the Costumed Thugs.

She then asked my if there was a sulphurous edge to the smell, and I told her that there was. "Ah," she said. "You've been blessed with a greater insight into the wicked ways of the world than we humans; you can smell what we can only discern by our reason and understanding. You can smell the Odour of Sanctimony. It comes from the mouth of the Devil."

I thanked the Abbess and went my way to share this insight with the other friends of mine. It all makes perfect sense to me. After all - who else do they all work for...?

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