Thursday 8 December 2011

The Answers' Chancers

Another fresh supply of finest human ordure has leaked into the Northumbrian consciousness, and its accompanying stench has caused a rush on the sale of clothes pegs for sensitive snouts. This stink revolves around the Glorious Northumbrian Educational System, where The Children - freshly indoctrinated into the finer points of Redistributionist theology and rhubarb - leave their kindergartens, waving special pieces of vellum, entitling them to all the promise of a shining career in further education, where the very finest nuances of the aforesaid Redistributionist theology and herbage await their tender and excitable brains. Hooray for knowledge! I'm so envious.

Every year, the results of the astonishing successes of the Kindergartens in the advancement of Education are paraded before an increasingly anaesthetised public, and like summer birdsong, the cheery litany of rapidly descending educational standards strikes up from certain disgruntled quarters, while the gruntled educational pundits valiantly attempt to fight their corner. Thus far, those who raise such perennial objections haven't been put to the edge of the sword as anathematised heretics, but I reckon it's only a matter of time..

The soaring successes of kindergartens in their educational achievements certainly looks mightily impressive, and goes a long way to perpetuate that fondly-held tenet of Sacred Redistributionist belief that each new generation is infinitely more brilliant than the previous one that spawned it. This dovetails into the Sacred Theory of Improvement - a vital part of the Redistributionist Creed, which derives from ancient Greek philosophers, buckets of retsina and Aesop's Fables. Such a premise explains why many Children expect to walk into highly-paid executive appointments without any further study: propelled by their own delusions of brilliance, they expect The Very Best. Now. It's all so very sad; if a cat could weep, then I surely would.

Tragically for the Redistributionists and their Tree and Liberationist country cousins, their flagship Educational System has fallen flat on its tender posterior. It has come to the cold light of day that those Clever People who set the questions which determine whether or not the children receive their coveted piece of vellum, have been giving the answers in advance to the kindergartens, so that the children know how to respond to the questions set before them. This has gone far to explain the astronomical attainment of the Kindergartens.

I'm sure Caedmeron will ably take the matter in hand..

No comments:

Post a Comment