Friday 16 December 2011

A Stitch In Time

It may not have escaped the notice of most Northumbrians that over the last few years their lovely country has become the playground of a new class of indigenous species, whose social attitudes betray an underlying phobia of classic Northumbrian values like hard work, trustworthiness and integrity. Such creatures - unlike we members of the animal kingdom - consider it completely unnecessary to go to the trouble to work, hunt, forage and feed themselves by honest methods: it's the blessed prerogative of the Northumbrian State to feed them and maintain them in the luxury of aimless indolence. Their children - lacking from their parental exemplars the benefits of a Christian education and the self-restraint that accompanies it - are uncontrolled feral miscreants, whose respect for niceties like law and authority are in equal proportion to their microscopic horizons and aspirations. Needless to say, they provide a great deal of constructive work for their educators, not to mention the Costumed Thugs; appearances of such fiendlets in the Moot houses are frequent events. One can see the length of the queues each morning. Their parents lack either the will or the inclination to deal with their own little problems, and choose to leave it to the all-providing State. Bless.

These are the fruits of fly agaric-fuelled Redistributionist social theory, which has systematically been unleashed on the population for three thousand years through a variety of political and social initiatives, which have been carefully and lovingly crafted to re-shape the traditional Anglo-Saxon social and cultural landscape into the shape of their maniacal fantasies. They predictably distance themselves from the their legacy to the Northumbrian Kingdom.. It's so terribly sad.

But once more, Dagwald Caedmeron - the Heroic High Priest of the Tree Faction and Great Leader of the Tree/Liberationist Administration - has unveiled his latest Wonderful Plan to the sound of trumpets to the assembled window-licking hordes. Hooray for Caddy Boy and his Broken Northumbria Programme! We're so pleased. Christmas has come early.

Caddy Boy is going to spend billions of imaginary groats (there's no cash in the Treasury Chest, since the Redistributionists blew it on their magic mushroom fantasies and to support their ne'er-do-well friends) to pay for diversity consultants, homeopathic administrators, fish quota accountants, dog log vigilantes, pigeon psychologists, climate change co-ordinators and an impressive array of support services to help those problem families and their children (if they can catch them), and re-educate them in parenting and good manners, disipline and behaviour. He believes that a child caught early will spare a great deal of heartbreak later in life...

These mushrooms taste very nice.. I wonder what they are?

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